Motherly instinct

Quinn contracted a nasty nasty virus called RSV. It is most common in babies, elderly people or anyone with a weakened immune system. At first it started out as a runny nose which I quickly dismissed since Quinn is teething and her nose was running right before her first two teeth popped out. Quickly, the infection began to worsen and she developed this horrendous deep cough and fevers that wouldn't break. We took her to the doctor on Monday and they tested her for all kinds of things that came back negative. Our pediatrician decided to test her for this virus and it came back positive. She was incredibly dehydrated, her little legs were white, her face was one giant crust. She couldn't keep her eyes open. It was so upsetting. The doctor told us to really watch Quinn's breathing and symptoms closely because the virus quickly develops into pneumonia. Ahh! Six restless nights and emergency room visits later, Quinn is doing a little better today. She has been on a breathing treatment machine at home since yesterday morning which is helping to open up her lungs and help her get all of the mucus and awfulness out. I don't think I'll ever forget how panicky I felt when she would cough so hard and choke herself, unable to breathe for a few tense moments. I have been so exhausted with only an hour or two of sleep here and there each night. Yesterday I tried to get my shift covered but I was told that I had to come in...it was definitely a test to my motherly instinct. I was having such a hard time potentially leaving Quinn at home and being gone all night (which is when she gets worse) and I was doing math all morning trying to figure out if I could just not show up to work. But then the moral side of me kicked in and I couldn't leave the girls at work in a bad place. I went to work afterall, feeling so achey and sick with a barely-there voice. Feeling like such an awful mother. Thankfully, one of my coworkers was so nice to come in for me and I spent the rest of the night with Mike and Quinn...all of us up until 1am, and then 2am, and then 5am, and then 7am. It's funny what getting no sleep and worrying constantly can do to you....I feel like I did when I had pneumonia in NYC two years ago. So exhausted. I called in to work today, I just couldn't do it. I feel so anxious when I think about the repremanding that I may face come Monday. A part of me really doesn't care though. Quinn comes first, being a mom comes first. It's the first time since being a mom that I've really understood what that truly meant.

Quinn in my lap at the doctor's office.