Ch-ch-ch-changes.

The beginning of this month has been a time-consuming one. I think the stressors of running my store mixed with the cold, dreary weather and the fact that I'm about to hit my six-month mark of living here has left me feeling exhausted and homesick. There have been a lot of changes happening at work. For a few months now there has been talk about moving me to another store. I've just started to take it with a grain of salt because they change their mind a lot...but I think this transfer might happen for real this time, and soon. The situation is bitter-sweet. I'm excited to go to a bigger, higher-volume store and feel grateful that they would offer me such a great opportunity. However, now that this transfer really might happen, I am finding it difficult to imagine leaving the store that I'm at now. I have dedicated so much of my time for the last five months to improving it. I feel such a bond with my staff and I finally have a clientele base and "regulars" who know me. Just today, one of my good customers came and brought me a present for no reason. It's difficult to imagine starting over again at another store. The other boutique is two-story and in a pretty prime shopping destination, so that is a plus. However, they are struggling in sales...so I would be walking into another situation that needs tweaking. I'll also really miss the girl who managed that location. I enjoyed our conversations and her constant encouragement greatly. It's difficult to see so many people leaving the company...and although I am so dedicated and passionate about my job, the amount of people quitting really makes me question the security of my own position and future here.

Tomorrow morning I have a meeting at the showroom downtown. Before that, though, I am booking my flight back home to Austin. I really need to see my brother, my parents, sweet Keith and all of my friends. I always appreciated the time I spent with my family and friends when I was in Texas. Being far away I find myself thinking about them non-stop. It is cliche' but very true when they say that you don't truly appreciate someone until they're gone. While I am walking or riding on the train or listening to music, I constantly replay specific moments or situations from my past in my mind and try to pretend like I am still experiencing them. I miss everyone so much. So much. Sometimes I wonder what I am really doing here. I enjoy my job and am happy to work in such a positive place each day. However, I want to grow my position into something more important....something that leaves me feeling excited and like an asset to this company. I felt like I could find that here in New York and I'm sure that I will be able to at some point, but I constantly reminisce about the people who love me in Austin...and how I risked so much for something that sometimes seems so unstable. What is more important? Being with people you care passionately about or working hard to try to make meaning out of your career? What matters in the end? In the very end? Everything would be so much better if everyone I loved lived here. Wishful thinking. Plus, why would they want to live here? It's 5 degrees outside at the moment! Wait, I know why they'd want to live here...because we have killer hot chocolate with marshmellows in our cupboard and a pretty mean selection of netflix movies.