A traveling Texan returning to the lone star state

Things that made me smile this week...

2011-06-14T10:47:00.007-05:00

April and Quinn playing at Red House.

Quinn walking and playing like a champ!!

Splish Splash!

My crazy outfits that I get to wear each day...haha!

Coming home to a 65lb lab sitting on the coffee table.

These lounging kitties that ironically hang out at the local aquarium shop.

Amy's icecream photobooths!

Mo visiting all of us at work!

Playing catch with Rigby infront of our house.

Mike! Easy there, fella! Stephen's hipstamatic shots make everything look so much cooler!

Sumo Quinn vs. Mo' money Mo problems

10 1/2 months!

2011-05-23T21:03:00.018-05:00

Whew...finding the time to update my blog is getting more difficult by the day! When I am not at work, I am at home working on Bonjour Biqui. And when I'm not playing with Quinn and working on BB, I am trying to keep the house in order and spend time with Mike and the animal kingdom that lives with us!

These days, life with Quinn is getting more fun by the minute. She is becoming such a little lady so very quickly and I am always anticipating what she will learn next! As we are approaching 11 months (and almost a year old!) I look back to the last few weeks and can't believe how much she has learned in such a small amount of time. I feel like she has grown the most throughout the month of May, not just physically but mentally. She's literally a baby Einstein. Like, those commercials where the babies are reading Shakespeare and Faulkner...they learned that from Quinn. She invented baby sign language and the art of reading baby novels. No joke.

BUT...when she isn't writing in her popular blog about world politics or watching documentaries on the degradation of America's farm culture....this is what Quinn has been up to:

In May, Quinn has grown in an entire row of teeth up top. She has four huge ones up there and two little ones below. Her mouth bares a strange resemblance to this guy's! She likes to bite off chunks of banana and use her teeth as a little can opener to bite the lids off of her Gerber puffs containers. Her hair is long enough to tie up into a "Pebbles"-inspired pony tail.
She has taken four steps at a time on her own and is about to walk at any moment. She really enjoys hoisting large objects into the air, like her little rocking chair or her giant stuffed duck. It's very similar to the Rocky "Yeah I made it up the stairs!" dance. She is really enjoying Rigby. He is so sweet and gently with her and they play together so nicely. I love how they are the same age and are growing up together.

She has learned how to say "more" in baby sign language and says Mama and Dada like a pro! She LOVES to make beats by banging onto random things around the house. She's got some good rhythm too!

Oh and she liked to hold her little guitar and dance with it...

She enjoys casual conversation with fellow xbox "Black Ops" players and figured out how to turn the xbox off and on (GOOD JOB, QUINN!!)

She has become a total busy body and likes to be chased around the couch or the coffee table. She does this adorable high-pitched wail and it cracks me up every time!

Sometimes we ignore the high-pitched wail because we think she is just having fun...but really she is wailing because she gets herself into binds like this one:

We have also discovered that Quinn isn't a huge fan of Chicken and Broccoli...

I love the little person that she is becoming. I can't describe how much fun it is to watch her discover her independence and learn about the world around her! I feel like our personalities are already so similar....she is my baby sidekick. Speaking of kicks, I bought Quinn her first pair of real shoes. How cute are these!

I can't wait to post videos of her walking...it is going to happen any day now. Stay tuned!

Thanks Yasha!

2011-04-28T11:28:00.005-05:00

Our buddy Yasha from California made an impromptu visit to Austin for sxsw. I received this little gift in the mail from him today. So nice of him! Can't wait for Quinn to rock her new onesie!

Thanks for the present Yasha, you were a fun guest. And sorry our dog took off running full speed across the house with your sweatpants. Eeeeek!

Easter in Florida!

2011-04-28T10:37:00.008-05:00

We spent Easter back home in Ft. Lauderdale this past weekend. It was so nice to see all of the family from both sides. Grandmas, grandpa, great grandmas, great Aunts and cousins, lots of friends...the whole crew came down! Quinn saw her first Easter bunny (check out the look of terror on her face when her uncle Sean surprised her in a bunny costume!) She had her first swim in the Atlantic ocean, her first kiss, made easter eggs with daddy, had a blast at the Miami seaquarium and she popped out three more teeth! It was definitely an eventful weekend, that's for sure.

Quinn's little boyfriend! Cutie Greg.

Mike wearing Quinn's Easter hat

Riding on grandpa's boat "The Mighty Quinn"

Dying Easter Eggs

Hi mimi!

In Dallas!

2011-04-16T14:56:00.002-05:00

If any Texans are reading out there...

Blanquita and I are at our first trunk show! Come say hello! The address is: 3004 Main St, Dallas, TX 75226

Wish us luck!

Tara

Bonjour Biqui

2011-03-28T23:35:00.004-05:00

Get ready! Trunk show in Dallas on the 16th. More details to come! http://www.facebook.com/bonjourbiqui

I'm on vacation!

2011-03-20T21:38:00.013-05:00

Well, kind of. It was a very un-planned vacation but a long overdue one, that's for sure. Sadly, my time at Anthroplogie came to an end last week. I'll be heading back to Betsey Johnson in a couple of weeks. Although the transition leaving Anthro and going back to Betsey is somewhat bitter-sweet, I am excited to be back in my element and I am really anxious to have more time to spend with my family and a more consistent schedule. Oh yeah, and getting to wear bright lipstick and my glittery shoes again will be pretty sweeeeeet.

I will say though, not working for the last week has been incredible. With the exception of me being sicker than I have been in quite some time, the days that I have spent with Mike and Quinn have been absolutely wonderful. I don't think I have smiled, laughed, hugged and kissed this much in months. I have been taking each day slow and lazily, enjoying each moment without staring at the clock and worrying about how the time is slipping by too fast and it will be another week before I have a day off.

The mornings are my favorite. The three of us lay in bed and play. Quinn crawls around while Mike and I watch her proudly and examine her little toes, her funny hair, her goofy smile. I clean the house while the baby naps. We take walks around the neighborhood. We play with Rigby on the floor. I watch Quinn play with her toys and scale the side of the coffee table and couches. We are practicing new sounds like "fish" and are learning how to wave hello and goodbye. Today I took Quinn to the park and enjoyed our time with a friend and her baby.

At night after Quinn goes to sleep, Mike and I spend time together relaxing and giggling. We hung out on the porch until five a.m. the other night, drinking beer and watching the stars. Some nights we watch movies and fall asleep on the couch together. Some nights we play board games. We played Monopoly a few days ago and I DOMINATED.

My side...

vs. Mike's side... (this is why I handle our finances! hahaha!)

Mike and I decided to get out of the house and take Quinn out to a couple of SXSW shows Friday evening. We saw Joan of Arc play (it's about time!) and she was totally digging it. Don't worry...we bought her some ear plugs!

She spilt five of our friend's beers and danced her little booty off. It was a great time and we were so proud of our little girl for being such a fun, well behaved baby while we were out and about that night.

Something else that happened this past week - I had deliriously brought Quinn into our bed the other morning while I half-asleep fed her and sat with her while she laughed at Spongebob. She really likes the intro when the pirate guy with the weird mouth says, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....." It's pretty creepy but she seems to think it's hilarous. Anyway, at some point, I accidentally fell back asleep and awoke to Mike shouting, "Tara! Where is Quinn?!" I immediately jumped up in a frantic frenzy. We patted down the bed as if she was hiding under the covers or something (we were dilirious!) until Mike looked over through the doorway and spotted a tiny baby sitting indian style and staring at us from outside of the bathroom. She had this gummy smile spread across her face. You could tell she was enjoying her roaming freedom! We couldn't figure out how she crawled off (or fell of??) of the bed without us hearing! Mike rushed over and picked her up. We examined her closely and managed to pull a few clumps of fuzz out of her mouth. I have been paranoid that there is some foreign object like a dog bone or a q-tip lodged in her esophogus...but she was all smiles and totally proud of herself for being a sneaky stunt baby at the time and has been fine since. Eeeeek! That was a close one! Add that to our list of terrifying, poor parenting stories...

With the exception of us letting our baby roam free without supervision, this past week has been so much fun. I have been loving my time with Mike and Quinn. I feel a calm that I haven't felt for...well...as long as I can remember. I am just embracing this time with them until I go back to work at the end of the month. My madre is arriving on Wednesday and I am excited to spend time with her. It'll also be fun to have a few date nights with Mike! Whoohoo!

Until next time!

Chatty Cathy!

2011-03-16T18:03:00.000-05:00

My sweet sweet girl...

2011-03-05T18:40:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is the day!

2011-03-04T16:59:00.004-06:00

Bq and I are on our way to Dallas in just a few moments...tomorrow is our big day! It's the first round of judging for Texas Next Top Designer! I think we have everything in order and are ready for our moment to show them what we've got. It's been a long two months of preparation so we are MORE than ready to meet the judges. Let's hope we make it to round two!

Mike has been in Dallas all day today working so he is going to find us a hotel room and spend the night with us there. Tomorrow is his birthday so hopefully we can find some fun things to do in Dallas to celebrate!

Keep your fingers crossed for us, everybody!!!

When will we get to slow down?

2011-02-17T08:39:00.003-06:00

We have been asking eachother that question so often lately. You would think that being as tired as we are would make the days drag by, but it doesn't help life slow down. It just helps you get through each day in a foggy, heavy-headed trance. Each morning, my first concious moments begin by listening to Quinn cry from the room across from ours as I drift in and out of sleep. I'll stare at the alarm clock, watching the minutes fly by. 4:00am, 4:37am, 5:02am, 5:30am, 5:46am. My thought process is always, "Oh, awesome, it's only 4:00. I still have a ton of time to keep sleeping." But before I know it, it's time to get up and get ready for work. Sometimes if there is time before I have to leave, we will all pile into the bed (including Rigby) and play together, grasping onto those few fun moments with the baby before we have to start working. Lately, Quinn is loving her newfound ability to stand up. She climbs on top of us as if we are little ladders, so proud of herself once she pulls herself up into a standing position on top of our stomachs or other random places on our bodies. She is interested in everything, always wanting to stick her curious findings into her mouth. She is fascinated by my hair. She grabs onto it and tries to eat it. We are working on being gentle when we pet the animals. She is full-blown running in her walker and crawling across the house. She talks like crazy, always chatting away!

And then I go to work...and it seems like forever that I'm away. And when I am away, I feel lost and uninspired. I feel stagnant and unencouraged. I miss when I used to learn something new each day. When the people I looked up to were incredible mentors who taught me valuable skills that improved not only the value of my work but the also the value in my life. I miss inspiring others and feeling like I make a difference.

If I had that kind of meaning back in my life, it wouldn't be so hard to be away from my family.

And after going through the world each day in a foggy daze, with nothing exciting to snap me out of it until I get home and get to love on my family....life still seems to be going by so quickly. Quinn is developing so fast and it reminds me that I am missing out on so much. I have a few hours each day when I get to watch her turn into the blossoming girl that she is becoming and I think about all of the moments that I miss and can never get back.

Mike is working so hard on his business so that he can support us and help us lead a fantastic life. For the past few weeks it has been constant 16 hour days. Traveling across the state of Texas or trapped in his office....it has been tough for everyone but I am so proud of him for working so hard and diligently. I wish I had something that felt as meaningful, productive and worthwhile.

Having a child has completely turned my throught process around. A year ago I would have been fine with the place that I'm at. But these days, I just want to be around her to inspire her and develop her as much as I can, and if I'm not with her, I want to be doing something that will inspire me and develop me as much as possible so in turn I can pass that all onto her some day.

Ahhh. Tara. What to do, what to do.

Texas Next Top Designer

2011-02-07T22:08:00.007-06:00

One of the dresses that BQ and I designed for our clothing line Bonjour Biqui was featured in a fashion show held at Zouk in downtown Dallas last month! The Dallas Observer photographed our yellow reversable bird dress. Here are a few photos.

And here is the dress reveresed...

We have our first round of interviews for the competition on March 5th in Dallas (which also happens to be Mike's b-day...sign of good fortune? MAYBE!) We are so excited to present our collection to the panel of judges! B and I are going to drive up there on the 4th so that we have the evening to get prepared, go over our presentation and get all of our looks ready for the big day. If we get through the first round of interviews and are invited back for a 2nd meeting, we will be just that much closer to winning $30,000 to start our own fashion line. I am keeping my fingers crossed! And if you have time, "Like" our facebook page! www.facebook.com/bonjourbiqui

Gotta protect the ladies!

2011-02-06T17:04:00.001-06:00

Happy 7-months to Quinn!

2011-02-03T22:57:00.002-06:00

....and I still can't believe I even have a baby. Haha! I wonder when that feeling goes away. Does it ever? It's an exciting/anxiousness/terrifying/incredible feeling that I am not sure I will ever get used to or be able to explain. I am having so much fun with her though. Her sixth month was one of my favorites so far. In just four short weeks she has developed so drastically and has turned into her own little person. A customer told me the other day that she sees qualities in her six year old's personality that were there when her child was an infant. Distinct only to her. So I am looking at all of the tiny things that Quinn does in a new light, embracing them and jotting them down so I can look back in six years to see if they were there in her early days.

Quinn has a charasmatic smile that is unique only to her. It is a crooked, open-mouthed, gumless smile that she beams always when I tend to be concentrating on something intently, like changing her diaper or struggling to get her noodley arm through a sleeve when we are running late to be somewhere. She looks up at me with her big doe eyes and makes that goofy smile. My intense focus suddenly turns into gushy loviness and I can never help but laugh right back at her. The same thing happens at night when we are doing our nightly bed-time routine. I fight to keep her in a swaddle. As soon as I get one arm locked in and am working on holding down the other one while I wrap her up like a burrito, she pushes with all of her might and breaks open the swaddle with full force. She then immediately flips onto her stomach, looks at me with that goofy smile and starts cooing, as if she wasn't just rubbing her eyes and crying moments earlier. As frustrating as this can be (especially after it happens six or seven times at three in the morning), I laugh every time. Often times, I laugh while I cry (out of exhaustion) but she knows how to get to me and it is so funny and new. It's like she does it on purpose when she knows I am about to reach my most fragile point. This goofy, pink gummy smile. I love it.

At seven months, Quinn does what Mike calls "The Italian Lady", where she jabbers loudly making loud "AYAYAYAYA" sounds while she flails her arms about and blows rasberries, usually smacking some kind of plastic object against something hard.

She can sit in a high-chair at restaurants and loves being a part of our dinner time. She is really interested in eating and wants to try everything we are munching on. She stuck a bread stick in her mouth at Olive Garden the other night, haha. She is so well-behaved and loves people watching. She was flirting with some guys in business suits sitting behind us a few nights ago. She kept opening and closing her mouth at them as if she was silently saying "mama" over and over again. We couldn't make her stop!

There are so many things that blow me away every day. I wish I could be here to spend more time with her. Until that day comes, I am enjoying every moment I have with her. Here are a few videos of two huge six month accomplishments!

Fun pictures via Steven and Antonia!

2011-02-03T11:40:00.005-06:00

Motherly instinct

2011-01-22T12:44:00.004-06:00

Quinn contracted a nasty nasty virus called RSV. It is most common in babies, elderly people or anyone with a weakened immune system. At first it started out as a runny nose which I quickly dismissed since Quinn is teething and her nose was running right before her first two teeth popped out. Quickly, the infection began to worsen and she developed this horrendous deep cough and fevers that wouldn't break. We took her to the doctor on Monday and they tested her for all kinds of things that came back negative. Our pediatrician decided to test her for this virus and it came back positive. She was incredibly dehydrated, her little legs were white, her face was one giant crust. She couldn't keep her eyes open. It was so upsetting. The doctor told us to really watch Quinn's breathing and symptoms closely because the virus quickly develops into pneumonia. Ahh! Six restless nights and emergency room visits later, Quinn is doing a little better today. She has been on a breathing treatment machine at home since yesterday morning which is helping to open up her lungs and help her get all of the mucus and awfulness out. I don't think I'll ever forget how panicky I felt when she would cough so hard and choke herself, unable to breathe for a few tense moments. I have been so exhausted with only an hour or two of sleep here and there each night. Yesterday I tried to get my shift covered but I was told that I had to come in...it was definitely a test to my motherly instinct. I was having such a hard time potentially leaving Quinn at home and being gone all night (which is when she gets worse) and I was doing math all morning trying to figure out if I could just not show up to work. But then the moral side of me kicked in and I couldn't leave the girls at work in a bad place. I went to work afterall, feeling so achey and sick with a barely-there voice. Feeling like such an awful mother. Thankfully, one of my coworkers was so nice to come in for me and I spent the rest of the night with Mike and Quinn...all of us up until 1am, and then 2am, and then 5am, and then 7am. It's funny what getting no sleep and worrying constantly can do to you....I feel like I did when I had pneumonia in NYC two years ago. So exhausted. I called in to work today, I just couldn't do it. I feel so anxious when I think about the repremanding that I may face come Monday. A part of me really doesn't care though. Quinn comes first, being a mom comes first. It's the first time since being a mom that I've really understood what that truly meant.

Quinn in my lap at the doctor's office.

Happy 2011!!

2011-01-09T12:45:00.013-06:00

Whew, it has been over a month since I have written on my blog. That's ridiculous, but I have a good excuse....THE HOLIDAYS!!

Check this progression out:

I started the new job and finished training right before black Friday. Then came Thanksgiving - mmmm, turkey. Christmas season rolled in and so did my Mom, Mike's mom and Dad, his two brothers, brother's girlfriend, Mike's cousin and grandma. My birthday (Quinn had a fever all day) but it was fun overall! Christmas!! more working. New Year's Eve - worked. New Year's Day - worked some more and everyone left back to Florida and BAM now it is JANUARY 9TH. Crazy!!

In the midst of all the hub-bub around our house, we had a beautiful first Christmas with Quinn and all of our family. Our house looked like Santa and his elves exploded inside of it and we were the most decked out house on the block. Quinn was showered with so many gifts (One word: TEDDY RUXBIN!) The best gift for Mike and I was to spend Christmas with all of the family.

Some favorite moments from December:

-Quinn's Ugg boots and Christmas dress
-Cuddling up outside in front of the chiminea and drinking beer.
-Feeling stealthy one night when I hopped into the car with Mike, his dad and Sean with the saw at midnight. We quickly drove down the road in the dark to hi-jack some fire wood from the forest down the street. Our entire trunk was loaded up!!!

-Quinn's new fish tank that Mike and I bought her for Christmas.

-Quinn drinking a SLURPEE! (Thanks a lot, Grandpa!) Haha.

- Grandma Diane and Mike discovering that Quinn laughs when you say "Chamomile" and "Ginseng".
-Quinn riding shot gun at the animal drive-through park

-Mike and I making our first purchase together - A new car!!!!
-Quinn's new car!!!!
- Rupert climbing up the Christmas tree and getting stuck.
-Rigby eating three mini cheese cakes and being in a food coma for approximately three hours.
-My mom kicking all of our butts in the game Apples to Apples!!!
-Quinn's first time meeting Santa!
-Jess and Steve spending Christmas Eve with our family.
-Turning 26!
-The awesome x-mas eve dinner set up in the garage that Susan made (hey, we don't have a lot of room!) and everyone eating dinner with paper crowns on.
-Quinn's excited face while we unwrapped gifts Christmas morn.

-Our day trip with everyone to Mt. Bonnell

-Uncles playing with babies!

-Mom and Robby hanging out and playing.

-Always waking up to people in the living room and fresh coffee! We miss that.

We were sad to see everyone leave and sad to return to normalcy. Since then, it has been long work weeks and nights filled with sewing and Quinn-cuddling. I have moments of daydreaming constantly....wishing I could stay home with her each day and work on my own design projects instead of working so hard (and what am I REALLY contributing after-all?) for another company.

2011 will be about new opportunities and exploring my entrepreneurial skills as much as possible. Cheers to new endeavors and Quinn never being able to say that her parents weren't around enough to help her learn and grow.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Things that made me smile this week...

2010-11-16T10:49:00.011-06:00

My new Anthropologie boots!!!

Giant caterpillars with afros living on our driveway.

CRAZY HAIR GLOWING IN THE LIGHT!!!

(reminds me a little of this guy...)

Loving baths! (but HATING when she has to come out.)

I spy a calico head...

This pumpkin hat that looks like it has a mustache.

The life-sized paper mache' deer head that I made and hung in our living room.

Quinn's sweet kicks!

Rupert's new sleep spot.

This incredibe weather we're having!

20 weeks old!

2010-11-16T10:04:00.004-06:00

Things that made me smile this week...

2010-10-29T12:25:00.007-05:00

What happens when Rigby wants to go for a walk but we are busy...(he chews apart his leash and takes himself for a walk.)
The crazy houses on our block that we pass by on our evening walks.
The beautiful view of my dad's neighborhood as you drive down the hill near his house. Two kitties chillin' in a bathtub. "Uh, can we help you?"
When Quinn uses Rigby as an arm rest. Tummy time!!
The way Quinn was calmer than I was while she was getting her immunizations.

Quinn's new voice! She started talking like this as of the last week.

An end to October

2010-10-27T20:54:00.009-05:00

This month has been absolutely insane and it is so difficult for me to accept that October is almost over. I haven't even bought Quinn her Halloween costume yet! (I'll probably just end up making something at the last minute for her! We are NOT going to miss out on trick-or-treating just because I was too busy to buy her a real costume...I NEED CANDY!!) I have been really busy training and getting adjusted to my new job and have been working non stop on my other side projects all while dealing with the craziness that goes on around our house on a daily basis and the other life changes that have happened this month. On top of everything, I never had a chance to write about the end of my time at Betsey Johnson. I was really planning on documenting my exit from BJ in my blog, especially after being with the company for almost four years, but now that some time has gone by, I don't think I will write a post about it. I'd like to remember the company for how it was four years ago when I first started there, when it was still fun and engaging and I had fond memories of the people who I worked with, the experiences that I was fortunate enough to have and the amazing places that the company led me to. I'm scared that a post about my last few weeks would end in a giant rant about the ways Betsey Johnson has slowly sold her soul (in theory, haha) and I don't want to come back to this blog years later and have that be the last thing I wrote about my time there. SO...I will end this tiny blurb by saying that, although it was sad closing out four important years of my life and locking those doors for the very last time, I am excited about my future and am thankful to Betsey Johnson for developing my managerial skills and setting me up to be in a position where I can further apply myself and make a difference in a new company. So hooray for that...and long live the fond memories that will last with me forever!

On a happier note, here are a few pictures that Robby took last week of our little adventure to the Elgin christmas tree farm/pumpkin patch to pick out Quinn's first pumpkins!!

Show us your sweet moves!

2010-10-15T21:19:00.002-05:00

slow progression

2010-10-11T20:24:00.003-05:00

15 weeks!

2010-10-06T12:26:00.011-05:00

A bit of time has passed since I've had a chance to sit down and make a post. Sorry!! I feel like the last two weeks have flown by because we have been so incredibly busy. I explained to my regional that it was almost like Quinn was a baton in a relay race. She gets passed on from Mike, to Jessica, to me and then we take care of her, clean the house, cook dinner...and by the time we know it, it is the next day and we've got to go through all of our routines all over again. I am trying to enjoy every moment with her because I feel like every time I look at her, she has developed a new skill and is becoming more independent. Boohooooo. Stay small, little Quinn!

Yesterday, we decided to test out real food with Quinn! I bought a container of rice cereal and mixed it with a little bit of formula. We brought out her high chair, strapped her in, and this is what we got:

And here was the second try this morning:

Although she probably got more of it on her mouth than IN her mouth, she ate a lot! I think the rice cereal filled her up a bit more, as she didn't drink nearly as much milk as she normally does (sweeeeet, since formula is ex-pennnn-sive and she will drink 8 ounces in one sitting!) We'll continue to keep experimenting with this whole big girl food stuff. I can't wait to feed her a lemon! Hahaha...

At almost 15 weeks, it is incredible to see how much she has changed from just a month ago. She can sit up now without her head bobbling around, she is totally allert and is really interested in the animals, especially Rigby. She loves to snuggle with her little kitty stuffed animals and likes to burry her face in them while she is napping (or stick them in her mouth.)

She seems to take interest in toys that play music or make noise in some way (she takes after her padre in that way.) I bought this little bird chime toy from Target and stuck it on her carseat. Whenever we go anywhere, all I hear are little bells jingling around while she sits quietly in the back seat batting the bird about. Totally better than listening to the radio.

It is cooling down here in Texas (FINALLY) so I am now enjoying putting her in warmer clothes. I get a kick out of making her wear high waisted pants that make her look like a little old man...

It's not cruel! She thinks it's funny too! And don't worry, she doesn't look too old-school because she is still rockin' her mohawk. No need for palmaid or hair gell, this punk-rock hairstyle is all nat-ur-al, baby!

I'm loving the stage that she is in right now. She is becoming so independent and I am getting a small glimpse into what her personality will be like....which hopefully will include a gift of gab and a love for lame jokes and blue mascara.

Missing her already.

2010-09-16T23:12:00.017-05:00

my grandma on her wedding day

My mom and uncle spent the last few days together in Fort Lauderdale this past week playing violin and flute duets for my grandma while she lay inattentive in her hospice bed. As her remaining days in this world slowly dwindle down to an end, I find myself repeating the moment in my mind when we met for the last time just a few weeks ago. She didn't even know who I was. I feel so sad that it was only the first time for her and Quinn to meet, only because she was already gone by that point. I feel awful that I didn't get to spend time with her while she was still coherent. I didn't really get to say goodbye. I am so sad. She had no idea, but the nurses had applied that same shade of orange lipstick to her lips. My mom said, "You could always put your lipstick on perfectly without a mirror!" and Pearl just stared back. Stared right through us. She still looked like the grandma that I knew. How can your thoughts and memories wither away so suddenly? This is the first time that I will have experienced a direct family member dying. And although my grandma was never extremely close to all of us, it is heartbreaking to know that she will no longer be here and Quinn will never know her. I have been staring at these pictures of my relatives that my mom and uncle found and scanned for about twenty minutes now. I can't describe how cool it is to see my grandma and grandpa at 18 years old on their wedding day, goofing off on the beach with their friends, riding around on horses, just smiling and having fun. Who were these people? What were the 30's and 40's like? These photos really give me a new found glimpse into their lives when they were my age...I never had the opportunity to know them but these photos somehow give me the feeling that I did. And wow, pictures of my GREAT grandparents. So that's what they looked like! My great grandpa was so handsome. He was a tailor...I think that's where I get my love for sewing from. And the big family photo of my grandma (second from the Right), her three brothers and their wives. My great aunt Mattie (three from the left) who was in her 70's when I used to play with her Russian Dolls on the shag carpet in her living room and she used to spoil us with unlimited amounts of ice cream. I loved her so much.

I feel so nostalgic when looking at these photos. I wish I could have been there with them. I wish I could have really gotten to know my grandparents...ALL of the many relatives in my family who passed away before I had the opportunity to have a conversation with them and get to ask questions about their experiences. I can't believe that all of these lives are just...over. I will never know anything about these people. I guess the strangest thing of all is that someday Quinn's children's children might be looking at these same pictures (will we even have tangible photos that far from now?) but instead it will be me and Mike goofing off and showing them what it was like to be in your 20's back in the day. Maybe this blog will be around for the next sixty years of my life, I want them to know who I was and what I loved to do.

Grandpa on their wedding day

She looked like a movie star!

Grandma walking on the Coney Island boardwalk

My great grandparents and my grandma as a little girl

My grandpa goofing off at 15 years old

my grandma is the little girl in the middle, those are her parents and three brothers.
Hehe.

grandma and grandpa posing together.

Inspiration for la nostra casa

2010-09-13T21:21:00.007-05:00

I have a ton of DIY home projects planned for the moment we have some extra cash moneyyyy in our pockets. The one thing that I am most excited about building with my womanly hands of steel is an incredible headboard for our bare-bones bed that I was inspired by on one of the design blogs that I read. Mike's dad is going to bring a wood cutter and help me build it when our families come out for Christmas. These naked walls and empty rooms in this house are begging for some flair. ::Taraaaa... decorate ussss. Make us feel unique and coooool....we envy the closet because it has so much color inside of it. And the closet is always gloating to us about how lame we are. He acts like such an elitist. Uhgg::

Wow. Envisioning my house talking out loud like that just rekindled a bit of the terror that ensued within my being after I watched Poltergeist for the first time as a kid.

I am always drawn to bold bursts of color, eye catching tapestries, floral everything and vintage inspired knick-knack HEAVEN!

Workin' it.

2010-09-13T12:49:00.009-05:00

I can't believe the time has come to return to the store. How did ten weeks go by so quickly? My first day back to work was on Friday and it was bitter sweet. Maybe a little more bitter than sweet. Not that I was bitter. Am I using the wrong word? Tart, maybe. Hmm....no, let's try...spicy? Wait. Uh, anyway, I was excited to see my staff, laugh and feel social, be around people who didn't drool on me (well, some do when they come in after they hit up happy hour. Drunk stories could take up 43875 more posts in this blog.) At the same time, I have been missing Quinn something awful every time I am away from her for more than an hour. I am home today but of course Quinn is taking a nap and I just want to WAKE HER UP so I can give her infinite kisses and maybe knaw on her little cheeks and Michelin man limbs like she is some kind of cupcake with a pulse. Uhhhhg. How am I going to be away from her from here on out? I feel so upset. I think I have convinced myself that she has grown a full 9098540385 inches since Friday. It has only been three days and I am pretty sure she might be entering toddlerhood. Is that a tooth I see? I walked into her bedroom and saw her changing her own diaper. She's so advanced already. She just asked me if she could get a tattoo and I told her no, not until she is 45...which most-likely will be next week the way time is flying.

I guess I've just got to get a grip and try to handle this stage of motherhood like the rest of the working mothers out in the world do every day. This'll sure be a test to see how long I can keep it together before I am bursting into tears every five seconds. Ahhhhg.

Oh great, a tear just plummeted onto my pants. I made it .02 seconds. Not a good start.

Two months old! Time for a recap!

2010-09-04T10:44:00.017-05:00

Quinn is two months and one week old!

The last few weeks have been particularly fun for Mike and I because Quinn has started to develop such a fun little personality. It has been so exciting waking up each morning and wondering what the new day will bring out of our little sugar-sack doppelganger daughter.

This month, Quinn has started to smile! And not only smile...but coo, giggle and discover her voice. My favorite moment's of these have been during her 4am feedings. After she guzzles down her bottle (eating about five to six ounces now!) we often lay in bed together and I find myself listening to her talk and talk and talk until 4:30 or 5:00. She tends to laugh a lot when we change her diaper (and the intensity of the laugh tends to coordinate with the intensity of her bowel movements, strangely...) She laughs a lot when I show her episodes of Stella (sense of humor just like her parents!) and when she plays the game that Mike developed called "Daddy Invasion" where he gets really close to her and waits for her to giggle and push him away with her (insanely powerful) legs. I find myself spending crazy amounts of time and effort figuring out ways to make her laugh. This has by far been one of the most entertaining recent pasttimes of mine!

Another really awesome thing that Quinn has started to discover is her sense of touch. It started when I decided to read one of our little books to her that has different fabrics in it depending on the animal. I would open her hands and guide her to touch the different pages of the book. Eventually she started to do it on her own and reach to touch the cotton, the velvet, etc. It was amazing! The next morning we put her on her little activity mat and she was actually reaching for the hanging toys and touching them. In addition to that, as I was laying with her yesterday, she began to gently touch my hair and my face. She had so much control of her motor skills. Her latest thing is sticking her entire fists in her mouth, which I think might qualify for some kind of Guinness Record like "Record for the smallest yet cavernous baby mouth." I'm hoping she doesn't become a thumb sucker...but I guess there are worse things in life than thumb-sucking-induced modified teeth? Anyway, it is so incredible watching her learn these things so quickly at just nine weeks old. Unbelievable.

In addition to those things, she has developed a lot of independence as far as her strength goes. She has always tried to lift her head by herself. The first day we ever brought her home was when we first noticed how strong her little neck was! Now she holds her head up pretty much on her own! I have tried putting her in her little bumbo chair but I think she still has some time before she can keep herself from leaning from side to side. It's pretty cute seeing her body compact into a little loaf of bread when we stick her in it though. Hahaha!

Thanks to this newly developed strength of her hulk-like vertabrae, I'm really excited to be able to carry her Kangaroo style in the sling so she can become more aware of her surroundings. I tried it a few weeks ago but her head kept flopping around (whoops!) The sling is sooooo convenient. Thanks Katie for inspiring me to purchase one! Going out in public can be a bit of a pain if we want to bring the car carrier or the stroller. Slipping her into the sling is so quick and she usually falls asleep as soon as she is pressed up against me. Yesterday my step mom and I went to wall-mart and immedately, Quinn passed out and we were able to shop around.

We have begun taking baths with Quinn. I tried it a few times when she was a week or so old and she screamed the "billy goat" scream (which is both awful and hillarious to listen to! Boohoo.) Using her baby bath tub to bathe her in has been a breeze since I discovered the trick of placing a warm washcloth on her hoo-haa to make her stop crying and feel a little more secure being naked in public. Don't worry Quinn, mommy has the same anxieties, haha. Since she has been so calm in the water, I decided to try taking a bath with her again a couple of weeks ago and she lovvvvved it. She is incredibly bouyant...which seems really odd. I guess having a giant budah belly makes it easy to float. (Wait, then what is my excuse??) As soon as I sit her in the water with me, she immedately starts to float on her back. She also does this little thing with her tongue where she sticks it in and out like a lizard. Rigby enjoys sitting next to the tub if we're in there and licking water off of her face. I like watching his face twitch when he eats a little bit of soap. I can't wait until we get a video camera so that we can record all of these epic moments.

This last month has been so much fun! We are really becoming intune with Quinn. There are very few times within the last few weeks where we have had to struggle to figure out what she was crying and freaking out about. Mike, remember those nights of you sweatily pacing full-speed for hours in a giant circle through the house with all of the lights out so she wouldn't be able to focus on anything and hopefully pass out? Glad those nights are few and far between! It feels really good to have a better sense of what her wants and needs are...I feel much more confident as a parent. Honestly, I really thought that having a baby would be so much more difficult than what we have had to go through. Such a pleasant surprise!

Those eyes...

2010-09-02T10:49:00.007-05:00

Spent the afternoon doing my favorite thing...

2010-08-31T17:10:00.005-05:00

Organizing my brand new walk-in closet! I finally unpacked the very last box of mine from our move and used every single hanger that we own. I counted 128 Betsey Johnson dresses. To a normal person who has somewhat of a right mind, that might sound pretty sick. But to someone who swoons over the sweet touch of silk charmeuse, who drools over drippy jersey and who would rather spend her alone time twirling around in circles giggling unconrollably inside of a 7x8 claustrophobic room of gorgeousness than be a normal 25 year old and do something productive...like cook or do laundry or....have friends...having 128 dresses seems completely normal! I have enough confidence in my sanity to say that I might bare a tiny resemblence to a few of those women in those episodes of Hoarders (minus the crazy hair and lack of teeth.) Except for the fact that all of my things are color coordinated and organized by style and cut. I am proud to say that you won't find a six year-old cat corpse hidden under a rug that happens to be under forty empty cans of vegetables that leads to a trail of twenty eaten tv dinner boxes in my house. Can I just say one more thing? Let's talk about the magic of clear, seal-tight plastic bins... incredible! I can see all of my handbags in a single glance, yet not dwell on whether they're scattered around and collecting dust. ::heavy breathing:: Yeah, definitely not as bad as Hoarders.

So here is my justification for all of this. For one, I own maybe 10 things that aren't Betsey. I pride myself on that considering the fact that I never spent money on anything that I couldn't wear to work. Hence, the crapload of Betsey dresses. Secondly, I have given at least thirty to forty dresses away to friends, family and strangers on ebay over the last four years. Believe me...that was tough but I was just running out of room! As soon as this new walk-in closet starts to fill up again (I've got seven or eight inches left on my side. That doesn't include Mike's end...which, hey, he doesn't technically need a whole two feet of closet space for just a few shirts!) I will give away a few more dresses. My last reasoning for having more dresses than I have money in my 401k is that there are 365 days in a year and I work about 270 of those days...which means I have to wear at least each dress three times a month in order to not be naked and/or extremely smelly at work. THAT'S SACRIFICE, MY FRIENDS!

Some might say this is some kind of addiction. To me, these dresses have become the thing that I collect because I love the design and thrive off of how beautiful and fun they make me feel each day. You know how you can smell a certain scent and it brings you back to a time in your life that you can remember perfectly? That's how I feel when I look at one of my dresses. It always brings me back to a happy time. Hopefully one day I can pass them all down to Quinn! AND IF SHE GETS THEM DIRTY....................

Things that made me smile this week...

2010-08-29T13:58:00.007-05:00

Cakes with our faces on them (kind of creepy, huh?)

These two guys

Rupert's passion for sleeping in sinks... "Uh, can I help you?"

Walks with Mike, Rigby and Quinn.

Sleeping (a rarity!) dogs on decks

Propped-up babies

Dogs who test baby-touching limits

Grasshoppers the size of my palm examining the leg of a fellow insect

Practicing air guitar - making the most out of nap time.

We're back from Florida!

2010-08-25T18:50:00.014-05:00

What a fantastic trip! Quinn not only saw her grandparents but was also able to meet THREE of her great grandmas as well! It was so special seeing her with my grandma who's remaining days are growing slim now that she is in hospice. I wasn't sure if my grandma understood who Quinn was (or me) but she kept quietly repeating over and over "what a beautiful baby!" We were able to get a few dear pictures of the three of us together to remember the visit forever.

Check out some beautiful pictures of my grandma from the past here!

Here is Quinn with my mom and another picture of Quinn with Rosemarie, her other great grandma!

Susan threw an amazing party for Quinn and invited tons of our friends and family. The afternoon started off a bit hectic with family portraits. Quinn was a little upset, I think beause she was wearing two banes of her existence: a head band and an enormous tutu! She looked like my cat did that one time in NYC when he got into my fabric box and unravelled a three yard bolt of tule!

However, the rest of the day went well. A little girl named Alissa asked to hold the baby and within a minute, Quinn had passed out in her arms. I kept asking "Are you sure you don't mind holding her? Are you sure?" while I slowly backed away with my hands up like I was stopping traffic. I realized this was my opportunity to stealthily run away and have some free time with my long lost childhood friends. (Okay, okay, so I felt a little crappy for ditching my baby onto a 12 year old innocent little girl who has not experienced the world of loaded diapers and throw up, but hey! I needed a break! This child never sleeps!! I took advantage of the opportunity when it presented itself!) From there, Quinn slept and slept and wound up in grandma and grandpa's room in her little swing, sleeping next to four cats. I caught up with my best friend Fallon and played with her little boy Greg. I was able to see Russel and some of our other friends. It was fun meeting all of the people who our parents had invited also. I really enjoyed feeling social, especially since I have spent the last few weeks having awkward conversations with myself in dimly lit rooms, looking greasy and unkempt, wearing three-day old pajamas. Reminds me of that creepy thing Gollum from Lord of the Rings when he's always saying "my precioussss", but replace the ring with a baby and you've got a weird glimpse into the wonderful world of Tara.

The day before we left, we took a little joyride down the intercoastal on Mike's Dad's boat, "The Mighty Quinn". Mike took some great shots during the ride!

Quinn and grandpa

(Quinn's got some killer abs in this picture! Flaunt it, girl!)

Such a fun trip getting to see everyone. They all were able to finally meet the baby and catch up with us. Sadly, we probably won't make it out there again until next year since I will be going back to work and retail = lack of vacation days and holidays off. What the heck are holidays? Yeah, I don't know what Christmas Eve or the day after Thanksgiving feels like. But luckily, thanks to my crappy schedule, everyone is coming to Texas this year for Christmas! Whoohoo!

See you again in December, everybody!

BBQ night

2010-08-17T22:40:00.005-05:00

Steven and Antonia came over with Mama Bear the other day to help us do a "First BBQ at the new house!" christening. It always feels so great to see them. I am grateful that we were lucky enough to live next door to them for an entire year. I will miss our waves to one another from across our porches, drinking Steven's yummy home brew, going over the ever-lengthening list of neighborhood cat names with them and having to jump over their fence in the wee hours of the morning to chase Rigby down while trying not to wake them up.

Here are some cute snapshots of the animals that Antonia took...

Rigby loves Texas!

What's up with his weird optical illusion legs? Where are the other two?

Rupert was a little spooked out by mama bear...he looks like a little suitcase!

Rupert...peering down at us with his little eyeball from above the stairs. Haha!

Rigby being very territorial with his toys...

Yeah uh...that flip flop is no longer mine apparently.

Six and a half weeks is cool because...

2010-08-14T12:33:00.005-05:00

we get to wake up to smiles now when we roll over in the morning!

(This last picture reminds me of Mike's Hula Popper Fishing Lure! Hahaha!)

Is she doing that on purpose?

2010-08-09T12:58:00.012-05:00

I'm constantly wondering if Quinn is making funny noises and faces because of me or if they're due to impending bodily functions. But either way, she's becoming more alert every day! With the exception of those nights when we just can't calm her down (I think she just needs to have a good cry sometimes. Don't we all?) we are getting pretty good at determining what the problems are that make her PISSED. This whole newborn stage is definitely getting more exciting by the day, though. I can already see a glimpse of her little personality beginning to show by the sounds and movements that she entertains us with. I think it's the crazy Chuck Norris-inspired roundhouse kicks that she does with sheer velocity when she detects an invasion of some kind (Rigby, parents, passifier falling out, etc) that is leading me to determine the kind of girl that she is destined to become and that she is DEFINITELY my spawn!

Here are a few future qualities that will further determine that she is my mini-me:

- Her love for the movie Anchorman
- Her inability to properly work a gas stove
- Her love for the outdoors, but hatred of fire ants and recluse spiders
- Her loathing of onions and cake frosting (damn you, allergic reactions!)
- The ability to develop bunions in short amounts of time due to the fact that I wore flipflops for the first 16 years of my Florida-derived youth and she inherited this due to Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest and its effect on genetics.
- Her love for exuberant clothing and doc martens combat boots.
- Her need to be in the window seat during long airline flights
- The ability to perfectly quote Dane Cook at any given moment (Ohhhh steeeeam, I hate steam!!, Pull around, get some sauce!!)
- Her secret desire to become a bounty hunter.
- Her crooked, toothless smile. (Wait, what?)
- The sad realization that her cryptonite will be a low tolerance to alcohol as well as her inability to effectively confront shoplifters in her clothing boutique!

Let's play the game, "What is Quinn thinking?"....

"Am I the only one that thinks OJ was innocent?? I mean, come on! He was a comedic genius in all three Naked Gun movies! They were pretty much the funniest movies of the 90s! Murderer? Give me a break!"

"Okay ma'am, we're going to need a front view in order to complete your mugshot."

"You know, my inspiration for this photo was the Unknown Woman. You can really feel the intensity in her gaze. I wanted to acurately portray this same feeling which, for me, was based on my hatred for bathing.

"Staring contest....1...2...3....GO..."

"Oh, my, god...did you hear about Steve and Julie? They're totally getting a divorce. I heard he was having an affair. Can you believe it?!

"Ahhh!! A recluse spider!! Get the Raid!!!"

":::She has NO idea that I'm about to projectile vomit down the front of her shirt. Bwahaha.:::"

"To the moon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ohhh Rigby....you're so weird.

2010-08-09T12:01:00.001-05:00

Reflecting

2010-08-08T13:28:00.004-05:00

Ever since getting back from Minnesota, life has felt so much different. Leaving Duluth was really hard after Mike's grandpa passed away. Buzzy seemed like an incredible man. And although I never met him, this was obvious due to the multitude of family and friends who were in the ICU waiting room constantly during the time that we were in town, sharing funny stories and happy memories of him with one another. I think that was the most difficult part for me, in that I was the only person there who had never met him and it was incredibly upsetting to see so many people become so disheartened each time poor news of his constant deterioration would trickle in. I felt really helpless and all I wanted to do was make this group of people, most of who I had just met, feel better. Most of all, I wanted to make Mike and his Dad feel better. I struggled with a strange internal dichotomy each time I would see Mike cry. I felt incredibly empathetic when he would break down and it felt good to be able to hug him and console him. I don't see that side of him often. However, it was really difficult to see him in so much pain and I just wanted it all to be over so that I could make him smile again. I felt the same way about his dad. They are such strong men and to see them so fragile was somehow both endearing and tragic. I think the only person that was able to bring joy to everyone during such a challenging time was Quinn. She had a job to do that week and she did it well. I lived vicariously through her ability to provide a glimmer of light and hope to people who had suffered such a huge loss.

On our nights when we weren't at the hospital, we spent time with the family at the lake house. A group of us walked along the shores of the water in the dark of night with flashlights, looking for crawfish and minnows. It was pretty incredible to see the stars so bright. During the day we took the Lund boat out and fished. The water was always so peaceful and quiet. One night, Susan babysat Quinn while Mike and I ventured to downtown Duluth to watch the lift bridge let a 1,000 foot boat into Lake Superior's port. We stood there, so quiet, watching the huge vessel power past us through the water, working hard to get to its destination to begin working again but leaving a deep wake in its path. That moment was so metaphorical for me. To me, it mimicked the Andersons that I was closest to. I watched such strong people experience a hiatus in their lives and they were working hard to get back to normalcy. Quietly working hard to move forward but their minds still lingering on what had just happened.

There were so many subtle moments where there was an intrinsic bonding occuring amongst the family and I felt priviledged to enter into the Anderson clan during such a difficult time, only to see everyone come together so strongly in the end. Mike, most of all, came back to Texas with a passion that I had never seen before. He hasn't been able to go more than ten minutes without telling Quinn and I how much he cares about us. I think we both returned home with a new appreciation for the family we have always had and an idea of how we want our new family to be. Needless to say, it was an emotional trip to Minnesota but one that led to a lot of self-discovery and growth.

Our new house, our new house together, is the first step to our new life as a threesome and we are so so so happy to be a family together here and have a family elsewhere that we love and appreciate so much.

Last minute trip.

2010-07-27T10:54:00.002-05:00

We are in beautiful Duluth, Minnesota right now. We left last minute on Saturday and drove 24 hours across the Midwest without stopping in order to get here before Mike's grandpa Buzzy passes away. Any day will be his last. I've never seen so many people come together like this, it seems like he was an incredible man.

Quinn and I will be flying back to Texas tomorrow so we can get home in time to move to our new house on Saturday. I'm nervous about flying with her without Mike's help and worried about him driving all the way home by himself. Hopefully everything goes smoothly.

Back to blogging in a few days.

Tara

Doppelganger- Part 1

2010-07-21T12:09:00.004-05:00

We've been noticing some strange resemblances to celebrities and pop culture icons during Quinn's burping sessions lately....

Christian Slater, anyone?

My newest functional accessory...

2010-07-19T13:07:00.006-05:00

is Quinn! I picked up this Hava sling the other day and I absolutely love wearing her in it. I think it reminds both of us of when she was in the womb. Or maybe I just like it a lot because I feel like a kangaroo. Either way, she falls asleep in it really quickly and I'm able to hold her and get things done around the house at the same time. Great success!!

Our friend Jonathan was having a birthday party Saturday night and it seemed like a perfect opporunity for Mike and I to try to socialize for the first time in months. I called him earlier that morning while I was getting our oil changed to ask if he'd be interested in attempting to bring Quinn to a party. He was down! That night, we tried to time everything right so that we could make the most of our time while we were out. We fed her around 9pm, packed up Mike's diaperdude with baby essentials (and beer!) and got the baby into the car, where she immediately went into a milk-coma. When we arrived to the party, I put her into the sling and she continued sleeping for the entire time we were there!! I couldn't believe it. She was an angel! The talking and loud music didn't fluster her it all. I'm glad we decided to go to all of those shows and get an extremely loud barking puppy while she was in my stomach...I think it conditioned her to sleep through anything!

I was anxious about bringing her to a party of 20-something year olds, all of whom have NO kids, but the night went really well and everyone was so accepting of the fact that there was a three-week-old there. It was awesome! It felt so good to be out with Mike and be around friends. Finally!

Gone Fishin!

2010-07-16T19:13:00.007-05:00

Mike decided to cut work short yesterday so we could venture outside to catch some rays while he broke in his new fishing pole. I was getting stir crazy being in the house!!! He had bought me a fishing pole, too (it's pink!) but I decided that I'd rather chill with Quinn on the grass and just enjoy watching him this time around. He caught a bass within five minutes! Thatta boy! Yesterday was the first time that we actually took Quinn somewhere fun, besides the doctors office (which uh, is never fun. She has been sick for the last week...we've seen doctors a-plenty!)It was cute looking over the backseat and seeing her little Mary-Jane socks poking out. We drove toward Town Lake and plopped down in a peaceful, shady spot near a long walking trail covered by droopy trees. Quinn could barely keep her eyes open. Her little retinas were like, "WOAH dawg, what is this?! The light of day?! Could it really be??!" I also noticed that she unfortunately inherited my pasty, white, iridescent skin. Mike and I are both Italian yet it's funny how he was fortunate enough to inherit the gift of gorgeous, olive, easily-tannable skin yet I inherited the genes of Powder. Looks like Quinn will enjoy a lifetime full of 1,203,39724x SPF sunscreen caked over every pore of her body, just like me! Okay, okay, so she's only two weeks old and I'm sure most babies are pretty pale until who knows how long...but the odds are favoring against her. On a side note, did I mention that the first thing Mike said when he could see her little head during labor was "Tara! Guess what! She's not a ginger!!!!" Haha! Phew! Thanks, Mike!

Today was nice, too. I borrowed my brother's car early in the morning since we had a birthing appointment this afternoon and Mike is in Houston all day. Although I had a little bit of a hectic time getting Quinn ready to go by myself, we arrived to the appointment on time and Vickie checked both of us out to make sure we were both on the road to recovery (we're good! whoohoo!) Then Quinn and I drove down to the mall to pick Robby up from work. We stopped and sat down for a bite to eat and then went to see the new Lego store that he is working at. It felt really good to be in a restaurant and heck, in a mall! It also felt pretty amazing to know that I can actually go out with Quinn. It was like having a little mini-me companion that I kept forgetting was sitting in the back seat while I was driving. I've had the whole "I have a baby but am still a human who needs to fulfill her desire of not being a hermit mole woman that sits in the darkness of her dimly-lit living room 24-hours a day" mentality for the last two and a half weeks and it has been taking a toll on me. Mike has been travelling each day, which has increased my loneliness and desire for human interaction. Not that Quinn isn't a blast to hang out with, she's sweet as pie and I just want to gobble her up. It's just that... when I do things like tell her jokes out of boredom, I think she's smiling at my punchlines but she's only smiling because of gas and it can be a little disappointing to my morale.

I guess the whole point of this rant is... for someone who is accustomed to spending 50 hours of their week talking to random people and staying productive, I've caught myself feeling a little anxious and lonely sitting at home all of the time without Mike here to keep me company. It was nice to get out briefly these last two days and to spend time with little Quinn and to know that it's possible to do it on my own!

Twelve days old today!

2010-07-12T14:16:00.008-05:00

First lesson of parenthood: Be sure to feed and hydrate your child.

The first night we had Quinn home, Mike and I were totally impressed by how much she was sleeping. The three of us slept a good six hour stretch that evening together in our cozy bed and were able to take multiple naps the next day (which was nice considering we had been awake for 24 hours prior to coming home!) We were thinking, "holy cow! Miracle child over here! Who said babies don't sleep?! She's an angel!" Well, when our midwives called to check up on us, we told them the good news and they FREAKED out. "You have to feed her every three hours!! No wonder she is sleeping so much!! Have you checked her for jaundice?!" Mike and I looked at each other with "ut oh, how did we manage to forget to feed her?" faces. Whoooooooooooooopsies! So needless to say, since that phone call we've been on an every three-hour feeding schedule. We wake the little bean up, whether she wants to or not, every three hours for nursing and a bottle. Our little itzbeen gadget that our awesome neighbors bought us has been a huge help. It's like a swiss army pocket knife... but for parents! It helps you keep track of her last feedings, diaper changes, sleep schedules, etc. We've mostly been using it to help us remember when she needs to be woken up. However, the last few days she's been waking up on her own and letting us know that she is hungry. We're slowly but surely developing a little schedule. We'll see how long this lasts...haha. But it seems to work well so far. Mike and I take turns feeding and changing her and have developed a little tag team system. Maybe I should get some t-shirts made or something..."Team Burp and Poop!"

Second lesson in parenthood: When a baby's hoo-haa is exposed to cold, he or she may or may not urinate/poop on you! It's a toss up. Figuring out the changing table situation has been interesting, that's for sure!

Quinn enjoys urinating and/or projectile pooping at the most inconvenient times:
-when we have just removed her dirty diaper and are reaching for a clean one.
-when we have wiped her down completely and are in the midst of applying diaper rash cream.
-when we have just changed her clothes into fresh, non stale milk-smelling ones and the poop squirts up the back of her diaper into her dress.
-when we think she is finished projectile pooping and we have wiped the table and all surrounding objects down...and then she super squirts it all over something inconvenient that we need in that exact moment, like the diaper wipes.

Third lesson in parenthood: It feels surprisingly good to be thrown up on.

Never thought I'd utter that or the following statement out of my mouth, but I anxiously await creamy milk to squirt out of my child each time I feed her. Seeing a little baby struggle with gas is so difficult to watch...they have no control over their ability to get that fluid down without air bubbles invading their insides. She arches her back and gets extremely frustrated. You can tell she's still hungry but there's no room left in her little sugar-sack looking body. I hate seeing her in pain! Therefore, I am like an air bubble bursting assailant!! I like sitting her up and resting her chubster cheeks in my hand as I pat her back...waiting for the moment where I will hear a big belch out of her mouth (or bum) so that we can go back to feeding. Mike enjoys it too, as well as the old "lay her over the shoulder like a bag of rice and pat the back" move. He's a pro at it! Many a shirt have been destroyed by these methods but they are well worth it! Spit up, burps and farts are now welcomed in this house!

All in all, things are getting better and easier each day! The last three days have been quite a bit easier, but each day before that has been pretty difficult, not because of Quinn but because of how tired and crappy I had felt physically. Not only did I catch a bad cold the day after I had her, but I also wasn't expecting how much my body would hurt. Everyone talks about the struggles of labor but no one talks about how difficult things are afterwards. What's that about?? Three or four days post-pardom, muscles that I didn't know I had were aching, it hurt to bend down, lay down, sit up, go to the bathroom, lift anything, take a shower. I had no energy at all...I have never felt so lethargic! I'm not sure how I could have taken care of Quinn if it weren't for Mike constantly helping and for the friends and family that we had in town who were cooking, cleaning and taking care of the animals/house/etc! (THANK YOU!!!!!!!!) I also started taking my placenta pills once my cold started to go away. We had taken our placenta home after the birth (eeeeek! Sounds creepy, I know! I couldn't really look at it...haha!) and Katie arranged for Lindsey to come and dehydrate it and grind it up to be encapsulated and consumed. It contains tons of beneficial hormones and vitamins that are lost after pregnancy. I'm not sure if me taking them has contributed to me feeling so much better...but I'd like to think so! Thanks again Katie for doing that for us :) I'm glad that the road to recovery is finally taking shape, especially since Mike has been travelling each day and I've had to take care of Quinn without his help while he is in Dallas, Houston and San Antonio. We are slowly but surely developing a routine and it feels good!

Quinn finally made it!

2010-07-06T11:39:00.008-05:00

I finally gave birth to our baby girl on Thursday, July 1st 2010.

A day earlier, Mike and I had a 9:00am appointment at the birthing center. I was really anxious because I was not having any indications of contractions or oncoming labor. My body wasn't doing anything and we were running out of time. I was so exhausted. Quinn was on day 11 of being over-due and I would have to be induced three days later if we weren't able to stir up contractions. Jean, the owner of the birthing center met with Mike and I and did an internal exam. To our dismay, I was still only at about 1 1/2 cm's and 40% effaced. To top it off, Quinn hadn't even dropped yet. She was floating above my pelvic bone and not putting any pressure on the nerves that stimulate contractions. Not very good for being almost 42 weeks pregnant. They had advised for me to drink castor oil at our previous appointment but I was hesitant and neglected to follow their instructions (stupid Tara!). Jean gave me a bit of a lecture (eeek!) telling me that at this point I would HAVE to try the castor oil since it was one of the only homeopathic natural remedies that could help push my body into labor if I were to remain a patient at the birthing center. It was more about getting Quinn out at this point, mostly because after 42 weeks the placenta starts to break down, the amniotic fluid starts to dry up and the baby continues to grow bigger and bigger. They were estimating she would be around nine or ten pounds at this point so the pressure was on!

I was nervous about taking the castor oil, only because the repercussions can be a bit intense (it's a natural laxative soooo... I'll let you use your imaginations, haha.) So I stopped by the grocery store and picked up the most fatty, chocolatey, rich Rocky Road ice cream that I could find and mixed it with the castor oil and some soy milk in the blender once I got home. I put that sucker in a giant beer glass and downed it as quickly as I could....BLECH! Nothing on the face of the earth can mask that taste of thick, goobery, cooking-oil-smelling lipgloss-consistency grossness, but I got it down and tried to fall asleep as quickly as possible before I could let my brain realize what I had just ingested. About two hours later at 1:30, I woke up with some grumbles and about twenty minutes after that a few contractions started. By 3:00 or so, I started to feel consistent contractions happening every six minutes. I walked around the house for a bit and fell back asleep watching The Sand Lot on Netflix. About an hour later I awoke to much stronger contractions. I used my trusty iPhone app to time how closely together they were happening...two to three minutes apart! Holy! I was a bit in shock and really wondering if my body could possibly be going into labor so quickly. I remembered the midwives telling me that I would know when to call them when I was having trouble talking through contractions...and that time had come! We were planning on having a nice dinner with our families that evening and I emerged from our room, having trouble talking, right as Mike's parents had walked through the door. I walked over to his desk and asked if he could call the birthing center right as he was finishing his last email for work...perfect timing! A few minutes later, Jean was on the phone with me trying to confirm that I in fact was having contractions two minutes apart. She told us to come to the birthing center with our bags but to not be disappointed if we get sent home considering that I could be in false labor since I had absolutely no signs of labor earlier that morning. Mike calmly grabbed all of our things and we got into the car.

After getting stuck in some traffic and avoiding as many speed bumps/train tracks as possible, we arrived to the birthing center and made it inside by 5:00. Everyone was waiting for us and Jean excitedly brought me into the exam room. I was having trouble paying attention to everything they were talking about, only because my contractions were coming two at a time by that point. But...the great news was that I was at 3 1/2 cm, 100% effaced and Quinn had dropped at was at zero station! Jean was laughing and in complete shock. It was time to go to our birthing room! As we made our way down the hallway, all of the midwives were excitedly talking and in disbelief at how quickly my labor had progressed. I felt really encouraged and excited too, but was actively concentrating on staying as relaxed as possible. When we made it into our room, Mike busted out his iPod and put on some relaxing music as Jean helped me into the hot shower to try to soothe the pain I was in. That wound up being my favorite place to be! I must have sat in there for hours....the hot water on my back while I sat on the birthing ball was incredibly soothing. It helped me relax my muscles through each contraction.

By 7:00pm, I was at 5cm dilated and by 10:00 I was at 7cm! No one could believe it....but I could!! The rushes that I was feeling were getting stronger and stronger. It was difficult to relax sometimes, only because they were occurring one on top of the other with little resting time in between. At the same time, I was willing them to come quickly so I would be that much closer to having the baby. Our midwives Vickie and Charlotte drew me a bath hoping to help me cope a little more comfortably. The water felt awesome and allowed me to contort my body in different ways to help with the growing intensity but man, by 11:00 I was in the transition phase and was having a lot of trouble fighting the urge to push! That was by far the most awkward feeling I've ever had. My body was practically convulsing....struggling to push while my brain was telling it not to. In between these crazy urges, Mike said I kept falling asleep. I was leaning on the edge of the tub and my face would fall down into the water, waking me back up. I remember feeling incredibly thirsty and exhausted during this point.

Vickie had me get out of the tub and lay down on the bed so she could examine me again. I was fully dilated at this point but apparently a part of my cervix had still not pushed back over Quinn's head so she was urging me to resist pushing to avoid inflammation of any tissues. Holding back was so excruciatingly difficult! I was trying to quickly blow air out while fighting the pushing urges but it was getting so tough. Mike was trying so hard to comfort me and keep me relaxed... I remember him softly rubbing my shoulders and running his fingers through my hair. He kept feeding me water through a straw too, hehe. About thirty minutes later, I knew my body was ready, whether my cervix was or not! After no progress during this time, Vickie finally decided to let me go with the pushing urges to see if that might push the cervix back. The second I was allowed to push....it felt AMAZING! Such a weird feeling! This rolling wave of momentum would thunder and roll through my chest, down through my stomach and pelvis and toward my legs. At the end of each push, I could feel this rush of pressure release and slowly push the baby down. Through each contraction, I strived to reach that last point where I could feel Quinn slowly moving through the birth canal. It was the only sign that indicated that I was making progress getting her out.

After about forty five minutes of pushing was when things got REALLY intense. Quinn was lodged in the birth canal and not moving. Mike and the three midwives were hovering over me at that point...encouraging me to push as hard as I could. In between contractions, Mike would put the oxygen mask on me and encourage me to drink to stay hydrated. Apparently I was turning colors, haha. I was trying SO hard to push at this point...I wanted to see her so badly! My body almost had a mind of its own because I can't remember very much. The only thing that stands out to me was Mike excitedly shouting "You've got this Tara!!!!!!!! Come on!!! You can do it!!!!" and helping to hold my legs while I pushed. I remember Vickie saying something about how the baby was coming out with one of her arms up by her head and that her shoulders were stuck. They had to get her out NOW. And I really remember the extreme pressure once she used her hands to physically twist Quinn's body around inside of me to pull her out one shoulder at a time at 1:02am.

I vaguely remember a little grey body on my chest and looking at Mike to try to figure out what was going on. I was so exhausted and delirious, the only thing that made sense to me was seeing him there beside me. I looked up at some point to see Vickie putting an oxygen mask on Quinn and rubbing her little body vigorously. They then put a little tube down her throat to start sucking out fluid. I rested while all this was happening, too confused and tired to understand that there was eventually a (8lb 11oz!!!!) baby laying on my chest again. They even had me cut her umbilical cord! I can barely remember doing it! But what I do remember is the sweet sound of a baby crying. I immediately snapped out of my post delivery trance that I was in and I looked over to see my sweet Mike holding a little bundle of flailing arms and legs! Whewwwwwww!!

It was such an incredible experience....I just can't believe I did it. I DID IT!!! I had her just the way that I wanted and it really wasn't that bad. Of course there were some incredibly intense parts but I am proud of myself for staying calm and letting my body do what it was meant to do. It felt extremely encouraging to have faith that my body knew what to do....and I think that's what helped my labor progress so quickly. I am also so grateful for Mike and how wonderful of a partner and coach that he was. He stayed so calm and attentive, constantly encouraging me and embracing me when I was struggling through contractions. I couldn't have gone through this without him. What an amazing man!!

That's Quinn's birth story. I wanted to write it down before time encourages forgetfulness. Mike and I are both so happy, Quinn is so incredibly precious, sweet and beautiful.

Things that have been making me smile this week...

2010-06-29T12:05:00.005-05:00

Sunflowers in our backyard

Climbing calico cats

Rigby waiting for daddy to come home

Kitties in paper bags

Sleeping puppies

Day 8...

2010-06-27T10:34:00.003-05:00

STILL PREGNANT.

Tomorrow we go for our 41 week +2 day appointment. LET'S DO THIS, QUINN!!

Five days late.

2010-06-24T09:39:00.002-05:00

All I can think about is that I hope she comes soon so I don't waste any more maternity leave days. The later she is, the less time I will get to spend with her before I go back to work.

Come'on Quinn....can you give us ANY signs that you want to come out?

Two days past due...

2010-06-20T12:57:00.002-05:00

And we are all waiting patiently! It'll be interesting to see when she decides to show up! We were hoping she'd make an appearance today since it's father's day, but I am feeling totally normal and not really feeling any indications of labor. My iphone application originally predicted that she would arrive on the 22nd. How funny would it be if she did? iphone - 1, doctors - 0!

The last couple of days have been really nice and very relaxing. I'm so glad that I decided to start my maternity leave earlier than originally planned (I was going to make my last day the day my water broke!) It's amazing how much better my body feels now that I'm not standing on my feet all day and having to talk to customers, climbing ladders, using my brain to do paperwork and selling my soul to sales figures. The extra rest and peaceful days off have really helped me relax and enjoy these last few days of quiet with Mike! Hmmmm now when I think about it, This is the first weekend that he and I have really gotten to spend together...usually I am working! Yesterday we cleaned the house, took a walk with the dog, hung out with the neighbors for a bit, did some shopping....amazing!! And today we woke up early and have been spending time together in our little office...him at his desk and me at mine, just listening to music and playing with the animals. I could definitely get used to this, haha.

Gosh, all I keep thinking about is how excited I am to be able to one day see my feet again, roll over easily in the middle of the night, not have to pee every 30 minutes, SLEEP ON MY STOMACH, be able to wear normal clothing, roughhouse and go running with my dog, have only one chin....so much to look forward to! I can't wait to see this little girl. Come outttttttttt, Quinn.

I kicked off my last day at work with a bang

2010-06-16T18:33:00.003-05:00

by getting there at 5:00 am to get ready for a longggggggg inventory process. Luckily, it went pretty smoothly and by 11:30 I was out of there and heading home for a nice long nap. I can't describe how strange it will be to have the next twelve weeks off of work. It sounds like such a long time, although I know it will fly by so fast. I've never NOT worked for three weeks, let alone three months, but I think I really need a break.The time away from the store will give me a chance to relax and bond with Quinn. Andddd speaking of Quinn, she's DUE IN THREE DAYS. Ahhhh! I hope she comes on Sunday, Mike's first father's day would be pretty awesome if that happened. I didn't know whether to celebrate mother's day this year or not. I knew that technically I was a mom, but it just didn't feel like it quite yet. I'm sure it won't feel like it for a while even once she arrives!

I have been working on trying to visualize the labor for the last few days, as I've been feeling more anxious as time gets closer. It's so difficult to do though considering the fact that I have NO idea whatsoever of what to expect. It's overwhelming wondering how long it'll take, what the contractions will feel like, how I'll be able to work my way through them, etc etc. I have been experiencing a lot of cramping during the last few days which is helping (a teeny bit) to put the actual labor more into perspective for me. Each cramp/rush that comes, I have been working hard to relax and not tense up to prepare me for the ones that will really matter when I go into actual labor. I really hope that I am one of those women that I read about who is able to calmly breathe through them and visualize themselves opening up. It's funny how much mind over matter plays a role in helping the baby come out calmly and quickly.....I'm praying to the big guy upstairs to give me patience and resilience and the strength to have her the way I am envisioning it. We'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I feel pretty confident but that's definitely coupled by extreme anxiousness and nervousness to meet her already. Let's hope she comes ANY day now.

Lazy Sunday.

2010-06-06T12:56:00.006-05:00

Rigby's girlfriend Little was waiting patiently by our back door to play with our pup this morning. Meanwhile, the cats have been chill'n around the house with Mike and I.

Now the fun begins!

2010-06-06T12:09:00.002-05:00

Back pain, feet swelling and some Braxton Hicks contractions have begun on week 38...but nothing was really as bad as this bubbly, disgusting rash I developed on both of my feet and on my arms/hands. I thought I had gotten bit by some kind of freaky spider. I googled photos of rashes and the first ones popping up (of SCABIES!) scared the crap out of me as they looked pretty similar. I kept crying, imagining me holding the baby and spreading this nasty rash to her. So when I got home from work last night around 10, Mike and I decided to go to the hospital. We stopped by the gas station and picked up a ton of snacks first thinking we'd be in the ER for a while. Water, Gatorade, Butterfingers and some hot tamales...yum yum!

We got to the hospital and the check-in lady took one look at me and said, "When are you due??" "Ummmm in a week and a half?" She decided to make a couple of calls and have me go upstairs to the maternity ward to get checked out. As soon as we got up there, the sweet nurse took one look at my oozing foot and knew right away what my rash was from....POISON IVY. The lightbulb went on above both of our heads and Mike and I knew exactly where i had gotten it from. On memorial day when we took Rigby down to the springs, I took a shortcut up this forresty hill on our trek back to avoid walking up the steep trail they were on and I must have brushed against some poison ivy. Uhg! I felt a ton better knowing that was what the rash was from and not a Recluse spider or from Scabies, haha. They monitored Quinn's heartbeat for a while since that's protocall for women over 20 weeks who come into the ER. It was fun listening to her float around and kick the fetal monitor...kinda made the trip more entertaining for us. It also made me realize how kick-ass the birthing center is compared to a hospital. Of course, the hospital is more high-tech and all of that stuff but I laid there on the stiff bed, looking up at the crazy machinery and watching TV. It just felt pretty sterile and uncomfortable. It's funny because I'd much rather be in a place where I feel at home and free to do what I want and succumb to the pains of labor than to be in the hospital strapped down to the bed like that.

Speaking of birth! Yesterday a woman and her nanny came into the store with the most gorgeous little 6-month old baby. The baby's name was Matty, which was ironic because that is one of the names of my great aunt that I was considering originally with Quinn. I immediately started gushing about how pretty she was and then we started talking about how the woman's pregnancy and labor was, etc etc. The woman couldn't believe that I was still standing on my feet all day and how horribly uncomfortable she felt her entire pregnancy. She told me how her labor was the worst experience of her life. She was in labor for 28 hours and was screaming at everyone around her because it was so painful. She called her husband every name in the book She said she thought she was dying and she just wanted the baby out....so eventually she wound up having a C-section and it was 'incredible'. After her talking about how horrible labor was for 15 minutes, she asked me where I was delivering. I told her we were having Quinn at the Austin Area Birthing Center and her jaw dropped. "You're having her NATURALLY?! Oh god...you're going to regret it!!" I just kind of laughed and thanked her for all of her advice.

I feel so confident with my decision to have Quinn at the birthing center. I have physically and mentally felt so good this last month. Even with the baby being due so soon...I'm not worried or freaked out at all. I was more concerned about a RASH that pushing out a watermelon! Is there something wrong with me?! Haha. All of these women seem like they've had such horrific birthing experiences...or that the pain was just absolutely unbearable. I feel confident knowing my body is meant to feel and do what it will once the time comes and the fact that bazillions of women have given birth naturally before me feels so empowering. It'll be interesting to see how this whole thing goes whenever Quinn decided to meet us!

Memorial day!

2010-06-01T10:15:00.001-05:00

Since I had the day off (FINALLY!!) we decided to pick up some sandwiches and take Rigby for his first swim in the springs. He didn't hesitate at all...dove right in!

My dogs were barkin' loud and clear

2010-05-28T23:14:00.006-05:00

by the time I stood still for two minutes tonight. Today was one of those days where, while waddling into work and admiring all of the happy people enjoying the sunshine and pure freedom from responsibility, made me think, "Wow....I have a whole 9.5 hours left before I can go home. And when I do go home, it'll be too dark to have fun and the only thing I have to look forward to is wounds from my heel-biting Labrador." The hours draggggggged by today. Geeeeeeez. I used the odd amount of free time for a Friday to stay somewhat productive at work. I finished some paperwork, cleaned the stock room, had an aneurysm while trying to create the concoction that should technically be deemed the "June Store Schedule" and came to the disheartening realization that my feet had mysteriously grown a size because Betsey Johnson shoes in a size 8 no longer fit me. To make shoe-matters ultimately worse, I came to the realization that my freaky genetically-inherited "peace sign" looking toes look somewhat longer these days and hang oddly off the tops of my now ill-fitting flip flops. (I'm sorry Quinn if I happen to pass these freaks of nature onto your innocent bone structure!) At 5:30, I sent my sweet companion M home for the day and felt a bit more confident that I'd be able to handle an extremely slow Friday night by my lonesome. I had some big plans to do some much-needed Swiffering. Maybe even a bit of Windexing. Around 6:30 however, my plans were foiled as I was bombarded by an insane amount of customers drooling at the mouths over our latest sale where everything is free!!!! (Well, almost free, thanks to heafty Memorial Day discounts.) At some point, all four fitting rooms were filled with bargain obsessed women and to top it off, three of my best customers all happened to show up at the same time to hang out and gossip during the pandemonium that was developing around us! I became Medusa! But instead of a million snakes coming out of my hair, I had a million arms jetting out of my body....some of them were grabbing more sizes from the back. Others were buckling shoes, closing curtains, re-hanging clothing and grabbing jewelry from the front counter. At some point I thought I had popped the baby out but then realized that someone had just knocked a fruity looking tea beverage onto the floor. It was insane!!! I can only imagine what passerbyers were thinking as they walked past the store...watching a giant manatee running around the store with her arms flailing about like one of those crazy stop-motion Charlie Chaplin movies from the 20's. Two hours blew by like two minutes and by the time my friend Jessica popped in to say hello just before 9:00, I thought I could possibly throw up. I guzzled down 40 gallons of water, confirming my assumption that I am turning into some kind of giant water mammal.

I did all of the closing duties in record time and peaced out of there like I was on some kind of mission...eventually hoisting my achy body onto a ledge to wait for my night in shining armor to pick me up and drive me home.

Here I am, with feet aching from running a marathon around 600 square feet and Labrador teeth nips but it feels sooooooooo good to know that sleep awaits very shortly. WHAT A DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only three more weeks, Tara!!!! Three. More. Weeks.

Despite laying on the couch for two days straight,

2010-05-25T17:49:00.003-05:00

I was apparently one of the only people in existence who didn't watch the season finally of Lost. Well, I haven't watched the show for about four years now so I'm not that flabbergasted that I missed such an EPIC ending. I just felt a little out of the loop with the rest of the world for about two hours. I've been able to piece together the entire episode by eaves dropping on everyone around me for the last two days though so I don't think I missed much that night. Just glad to see that my fellow comrades will be able to have an hour each week of their lives back!

Mike has been sick for the last few days, but I have a feeling he's just secretly trying to test me to see if I'm good at waking up every two hours each night. And the answer is...YES! I'm like some kind of chubby zombie that awakens instantly during the wee hours of the night to finish any task that is put before me! We'll see how I do in about three weeks...or if she decides to come early!

Which as of our appointment yesterday, looks like it could be the case? She's already measuring at what she should be measuring at three weeks from now, yeowza. Either I have a lot of fluid up in my stomach OR she's going to be a miniature Hulk. Considering I was a 10 pound newborn, I might be destined to have a chubby-thighed, dimple-armed baby right off the bat. We'll see! I'm also already dilated apparently...so....my next question to our midwife yesterday after our exam was, "How do I know when I'm going in to labor?" And in response she handed me a pamphlet entitled "How you know when you're going in to labor." I read it once we got home and decided to pack our suitcase full of necessary things to bring to the birthing center once the big time comes.

This is when the anxiousness comes into play!

Here are some little-Tara pictures courtesy of my mama.

Check out that crazy spiked hair!

Hooray! This bear rules!

Okay...one year later...not as impressed with the bear.

Big foot.

2010-05-19T20:52:00.003-05:00

Top Halloween costume choices for the baby so far (a bit in advance)....

-iPhone

-dumbbell

-sub sandwhich

-flower

-dog bone

And my personal favorite genius idea of Mike's...a tiny keg.

P.S. We found out this morning at our ultra sound appointment that she flipped around!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I kept thinking the round hard part under my right rib was her head, but it's her little butt. Haha. Here is the best picture that they were able to get of her...she was sleepy and wouldn't look up.

These days...

2010-05-18T22:38:00.006-05:00

I spend my free time with the three boys in our house...

And can't forget our little Ellie girl...

So close.

2010-05-17T08:46:00.004-05:00

Throughout this entire pregnancy I have been doing a fair share of reading and research about what's to come in the very near future for me, Mike and Quinn. I remember the day I found out we were pregnant....the first thing I did was drive down to Border's and purchase "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and plopped my butt down into our bed for the next few hours reading away. I remember reading the typical ways to birth a baby and watching documentaries at night with Mike, always thinking that something just didn't feel natural to my own body when thinking about the intensely medical labor and delivery process of a baby in a hospital setting. I was also so inspired by my friend Katie who had birthed her first baby in a hospital and second in a birthing center (and soon to be third and fourth twin boys at home) that I decided to look into my options a little more.

After deciding to go to the birthing center to have Quinn and getting to meet all of the sweet midwives who would be helping me, I felt this intense calm and relaxation about the whole process sweep over me. Almost TOO relaxed! We started our birthing classes which I was incredibly excited about, only to feel disappointment a few weeks afterward when the type of motivating encouragement that I personally needed and craved was on the backburner. The classes focused more on all of the things that could go wrong, as well as contradictory and unnecessary information that made me feel anxious and uneasy. So Mike and I decided to quit them and I kept reading and doing my own research online.

I remember thinking a few weeks ago that something might be wrong with me because I wasn't concerned about the labor process what so ever. I had barely even thought about it because I had this overwhelming sense of calmness and faith in my body that I could do it successfully by relying on my own confidence within myself. I was so sure of everything until our third continuous visit to the birthing center last week where they discovered that Quinn had still not flipped.

With four and a half weeks to go, she does still have time to flip head-down and I have been trying to imagine her doing so in my mind...trying to send telepathic messages to her little brain to turrrrrrrrrrrn around. All I keep thinking about now is how, if she doesn't flip and I am not able to birth a breech baby at the birthing center, what my options are and what I feel comfortable with. I know that I am definitely lacking the confidence to have her be born breech naturally with a midwife. Compared to the faith I had before about having her at the birthing center... that same confidence just isn't there. My body has never had to birth a baby before and I feel incredibly anxious when I think about having her feet first for some reason. I've read so much about first time mothers having their babies breech but for some reason something inside of me is telling me not to try it. I've listened to my body thus far and I just have this overwhelming sense that I need to listen to it this time too. That puts my other option at having surgery in order to get her out. Yes, having a cesarean section bothers me because I don't want to have surgery....but I am more concerned with how it will effect Quinn. I wanted her to have a very peaceful birth and be able to be in my arms the second she was brought into the world. I always imagine having her in a warm tub or in a big bed where Mike can be an active partner helping me through everything. In a hospital, that is definitely not going to happen. I just know that I'm not going to feel comfortable having my baby swept away from me the second she comes out and not having her parents right there for her makes me uneasy. I know c-sections happen millions of times a day and babies grow up completely normal, but I guess it's the fact that that option is completely different from what I have been planning and I feel really disappointed. I remember reading in a book that you shouldn't feel disappointed about any crazy twists in your grand scheme of birth and thinking to myself, "why would anyone be THAT disappointed?" All of these months of daydreaming about bringing this baby into the world in the way I imagined though and then having them kinda flipped on their butt (haha...there you go, Quinn!) gives that disappointment a reality for me now. I have begun to really identify with those mothers who take it a bit personally.

I'm trying not to think about it too much since the possibility of her flipping is still there. I want to stay positive and continue sending her messages and talking to her to try to convince her to flip around.

Just four and a half weeks left and I want to meet her so badly. After waiting nine months already, four weeks feels like it's going to breeze by.

Stop being stubborn, Quinn!

2010-04-27T16:14:00.003-05:00

We went to our 32 week visit yesterday to see how the baby was doing. Last time they checked four weeks ago, Quinn was feet first but they didn't seem too worried about it as most babies flip by 30 weeks. However, yesterday while Roswitha was feeling around on my stomach and felt feet where a head should be, we discovered that she was STILL feet down! Stubborn little girl! I could tell by Roswitha's expression, which is usually cool and collected, that she was a little frustrated that Quinn hadn't flipped yet. So she decided to give us some homework consisting of different exercises, positions (handstands in the pool!) and putting a cool icepack up high and a warm one down low so she'll try to head south to warmth to get her to flip around. If she isn't facing the right way by 34 weeks though, we're going to do a bit of acupuncture and see how that goes. The very last resort would be for us to go to an external expert who will try to turn her around from the outside of my stomach. They tried this a little bit yesterday and OUCH!! It hurt pretty bad. I'm hoping it won't get to that point!

With just eight weeks left, I'm feeling pretty good. Just really tired. The time seems to be flying by now, expecially now that we will be going to the doctor more frequently for checkups. I'm so excited for her to come, Mike and I are just so anxious to meet her. So many times I forget that I'm pregnant during the day because I'm doing a million other things, but those giant kicks and shifts always interrupt my day and I can't help but laugh because they kinda tickle.

Counting down the daysssssssssssssssss.

So excitingggggggggg. NOW JUST FLIP AROUND, QUINN!

Showered

2010-04-27T15:39:00.010-05:00

with love from family and friends this week. Mike's mom and brother as well as my mom drove in from Florida to share our babyshower with us this past Sunday. Although there was a little drama with the place we had originally reserved for the party, the last minute location switch turned out to be so much better!! So many of my amazing friends showed up and we all had such a blast. Susan did such a great job setting everything up. The "decorate it yourself'" onesies was a sure hit. I was totally overwhelmed by how many gifts we received and how sweet everyone was to come to the shower. What a great day!

Busy, busy, busy...

2010-04-05T11:56:00.003-05:00

I have been thinly spreading my time between work, the few moments I get to see Mike each day, sleeping like crazy and our new Black Lab-mix, Rigby. With only 10 weeks left of this pregnancy, I can feel my body telling me to slow down most days. If it's not one of those dreaded Braxton-Hicks contractions telling me to take it easy, it's thedrool-inducing, dead sleep that I collapse into as soon as I hit the bed at night. Although I enjoy my days at work laughing with the staff and customers, the long hours on my feet definitely seem to take a toll on me by the time I get home. One word - CANKLES!! Blech.

These days, as Spring begins to quickly drift into that muggy, hot, droughty summer that Texans have become accustomed to, I am appreciative of a those last few days of breezy, cool weather and definitely our air conditioning.

Here are some pictures of our new little man Rigby enjoying the outdoors, as well.

TURCO!!!!!!!!

2010-03-08T20:50:00.003-06:00

Best upset EVER!!! Turco, you beautiful beast!! Took 52 shots on goal and only allowed 3! Yeah!!

Ahhhhh I think I almost just had a heart attack watching that game. YES!!! The Capital's 20-game winning streak is over thanks to the Stars! Yeahhh!! Sorry Mike, your little man Ovechkin was no match for us tonight!

God, I love hockey.

Happy Birthday, Mike!

2010-03-06T21:24:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was Mr. Anderson's birthday but sadly I had to work for the majority of the day. But tonight we decided to do a little post-birthday celebration and we went down to eat at Fogo De Chao...and all I can say is that, as someone who doesn't eat a lot of meat, I could hang out in that place and chow down all night! You have these little "stop" and "go" coasters that you flip over back and forth on your table depending on how often you want these little men in herem pants to come by with meat on a giant stick! Fillet Mignon, Ribeye's, Mahi-Mahi....anything your taste-buds could possibly desire are on your plate at the simple flip of a coaster! We only went about three rounds before I pooped out and couldn't eat any more. There just wasn't enough room in my stomach to keep going.....and the result of our outing was the following.....

Oh man, nothing can describe how painful it is to eat too much while pregnant and not have enough room in your belly to hold it all! It felt like my skin was ripping on the 3-block walk back to the car!! However, our hearty dinner was worth the pain and I made sure to rub tons of the stretch-mark oil that Katie gave me onto my stomach once we got back home, haha :) Maybe Quinn had suddenly developed a mass amount of muscle after I ate all of that Iron and Vitamin A and decided to stretch out and do karate in there!

It was a great night and I'm so glad that we were able to do something fun for Mike for his big 25th year on Quinn's 25th week of gestation!

6 months

2010-03-02T08:48:00.001-06:00

...And feeling great!! My stepmom and I went to my appointment yesterday and we got to see the baby wiggling around in there. She was moving her hands around and looked really peaceful. Pretty exciting. We'll have a glucose test next appointment and another ultrasound. Whoohoo!

Tonight is our first birthing class. Mike had to go to Corpus Christie again for work so my friend Jessica is going to come with me. I'm a little nervous about it, as I haven't really given TOO much thought to labor quite yet, but it should be fun to meet other mom's that are as pregnant as I am!

Thinking of things to do for Quinn...

2010-03-02T08:37:00.005-06:00

has been one of our favorite past times these days! Mike and I are constantly coming up with little things to do to make her life fun and interesting as she gets older.

The other night, we went to see one of our favorite bands, The Appleseed Cast at The Mohawk. Between the two of us, we've both been listening to them for ten years and have all of their albums (obsessed, much?!) so seeing them for the second time together was pretty awesome. Before their set, we went to the merch table and saw that they had come out with this awesome limited edition record split of two of their old albums and instantly Mike knew we couldn't live without it. As we pondered on when to run to the ATM to get some cash, Mike decided that it would be awesome if we had all of the guys in the band sign the album to Quinn. That way when she is older, we could show her that her parents got their favorite band to sign an album to her! Swweeeeeeeet, so we went on a mission to get the guys to sign it for us. This little endeavor turned into us hanging out with the guitarists for a long while after their set...discussing life after 35, children, the new scoop on their coveted new album, etc. It was a lot of fun and really meant a lot to us.

Mission accomplished! The goal is to try to do this for our top 10 favorite bands of all time. Considering that Braid is broken up and The Smashing Pumpkins refuse to talk to each other...this might prove a little difficult...hahah. Oh well, we'll try!

Runway

2010-02-15T11:23:00.004-06:00

Yesterday's Betsey runway show was posted today on Style.com and I'm absolutely obsessed! The long flowy, bohemian styled floral dresses remind me of her feminine signature style of the late 90's. Cowboy boots, guns and some mustaches thrown in to the mix. I can't wait to start receiving it into the store. Hopefully by then I'll be able to fit into the clothing again!

Florida was fantastic!

2010-02-15T11:14:00.002-06:00

Having both of our families together in one house and enjoying beautiful weather for four days, such a great vacation. Probably the last one we'll have for a while....

Tomorrow, I'll be in a 20 mile radius of a beach...

2010-02-06T23:44:00.004-06:00

...and I couldn't be more excited for a little vacation back to our home town of Ft. Lauderdale!

The past few weeks have been really busy. I mean really busy. We have all been working a ton at the store but our hard efforts have been paying off dramatically! As of yesterday, our store was second in sales in our region. On top of that, we were featured as one of the top four stores in the company with the highest IPS last week AND we are beating the NYC stores in gross sales! I just can't believe it. We've been having such a blast and our customers have been such a joy to have in our boutique. It is so exciting to see the store make such a drastic turn around from just a month ago....and only because we've been having fun and dedicating our time 100% to our clientelle. Woohoo!!

I'm ready to take a nice warm shower and pass OUT.

Hope all is well!!

I'm lucky

2010-02-02T17:37:00.002-06:00

to have two guys in my life who enjoy being in the kitchen!

I'm going to have to start taking some cooking lessons....SOON!

5 months!.

2010-01-31T21:36:00.006-06:00

20 weeks today....I can't believe we're this far along. I definitely FEEL pregnant now. The little girl is wiggling around like crazy. It's hard to explain what it feels like to have a baby twirling around in your belly. Almost like big heavy balloons filled with water are rolling about and pushing your insides around. It makes me giggle. Hehe. I'm happy that Mike was finally able to feel her push from the outside last night.

Weeee!

I am definitely feeling more connected to her as the days go by. I can't wait until we figure out where we'll be living, what furniture we'll buy for her and until we start really picking out fun things to complete her new little life with! I had a blast shopping for our registry with Katie and her little girl MJ last week. We picked out little play gyms, strollers, bibs, spoons, breastfeeding pumps(?!!?) and a ton of other girly things. Oh man, so much fun. I just want to meet her....NOW!

On a side note, Mike and I are flying back home to Florida next week! I can't believe that it has been almost five years since I've visited Ft. Lauderdale. I am nervous about heading back.....but I am very excited to meet more of Mike's family and to see my mom, some old friends and THE BEACH!!! I also feel like it might be one of the last times I am able to see my grandma, so that'll be something to keep in the back of my mind as well. Mos tly, I can't wait to have a few days of vacation with Mike. As cheesy as it sounds, I really like flying on airplanes with Mike and traveling to different places with him. We both have a similar need to move around and experience adventure. I think we've always bonded because of those qualities that we share.

Super excited.

Tomorrow, Mike is heading to Dallas and I am heading to another prenatal appointment. Hope all goes well for BOTH of us!

19 weeks!

2010-01-23T22:31:00.003-06:00

Surprise!

2010-01-23T22:23:00.003-06:00

It's a girl! Still can't believe there's a little lady growing in my belly. With the insane amounts of men in both of our families, we were convinced it was going to be a boy. Hah! Sure did fool us! Here is our little girl....can't wait to meet her!

A shot of her little profile and a top view of her head. She's laying on her hand.

Side view. The top picture shows a shadow of her foot pressing up against the top.

Foot shot at the top and her little lady parts from the bottom view. :)

17 weeks!

2010-01-08T11:54:00.005-06:00

Our appointment went well! The baby's hearbeat is going strong. Mike could tell it slowed down a bit from last time (because he came up with a musical beat based off of our first appointment results :) I lost two pounds, likely due to the fact that I haven't been able to keep anything down for four months. So all in all I'm only up three pounds for the entire pregnancy. I was a little worried about that but the doc said the low weight gain is totally fine...it just means I won't be one of those women that gain 20 unnecessary pounds their first trimester and have a harder time losing it in the end. The good news is that the all-day sickness has been easing up a ton and it looks like mass amounts of protein consumption are in my near future! Get ready chicken/steak/tofu/nuts/veggies!!! I can't wait until the 19th...that's when we find out the sex and see high quality ultrasound pics of this little baby! Whoohooo.

On a fun, exciting note....tomorrow Jessica and I will be on a 6am flight to NYC. Woot woot! Can't wait!!!!!!!!! I'll try my hardest to make a few updates from the big apple. Now....where is that giant coat?!

Holiday pictures!

2010-01-06T22:56:00.010-06:00

A few pictures that we took in a random "spur-of-the-moment photo session in a forest" to send to our families for the holidays. Fun! Check out that bump! Eeeeek.

Tomorrow is our next pre-natal appointment. Hopefully the baby is doing well in there. I'm so anxious to hear its little heartbeat again. I just want to make sure its growing perfectly.

Updates soon!

Excited for my next day off...

2010-01-03T10:17:00.004-06:00

Which will be Tuesday....and man, I have a lot to do before then. Not only do I need to keep plugging away at designing our website, but Jessica and I leave for NYC on Friday so I have a lot of packing and planning to accomplish. First thing to check off of my list: pack two enormous poofy winter jackets. In a strange way, I'm excited to wear my old jacket....but simultaneously, I'm not excited for this...

AHHHHH!! I keep trying to remind myself that I used to walk 11 blocks in that evil cold each day so I'm trying to remain optimistic that I can handle it again. I don't know what happened to my winter-blood because now I start shaking when it's 60! Haha, this shall be fun. However, I am really excited for our trip. In the short four days that we will be there, have a lot to do. I can't wait to catch up with old friends and enjoy being in the city again. So excited.

As soon as I get back, my mom will be arriving on Thursday. I'm so excited to see her! I think she's anxious to see my ever-expanding stomach. And speaking of stomach, our next visit to the midwives is this Thursday. I am going to try to sleep them a $20 under the table to see if they can figure out the sex early :)

Okay....off to work.

Oh! And P.S.! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!! Here is to an exciting, adventure-filled 2010!!

First day of being 25

2009-12-23T21:29:00.004-06:00

And it doesn't feel very different from 24. I still can't even believe Christmas eve is tomorrow. Where has the end of this year gone? I got together with some great friends last night at our new favorite bar downtown. We all sat and talked for a few hours under a candlelit tent, enjoying the cool weather and eachother's company. It was a low-key evening, but exactly what I wanted.

Ahg, I feel so emotional these days. I struggle to hold back tears when I think about 2009 coming to an end. What an epic, ridiculous year.

Here is me today at 3 1/2 months....and a picture of me and my uncle at 3 1/2 years old.

Nostalgic.

2009-12-11T09:31:00.003-06:00

The other day I started to reminisce about 2008 and everything that had happened from then until now. I went back and began reading my very first posts in this blog and couldn't help but become immersed in the crazy beginnings of my life in the big apple. I am so amazed at how much I had experienced while I was in NYC....and that I had the guts to go in the first place considering the small town that I was leaving and the vastness of the one that would soon become my home. It began so frantically - "You have to be there in two weeks from now if you take this position!" I sold everything I possibly could in two week's time and packed what was left into four precious boxes. I gave my dog of five years away and said goodbye to friendships that ultimately wouldn't survive the miles separating us. I remember sitting on the airplane and giggling the entire time....my nerves were so intense and my anxiety was skyrocketting but I was too excited to care. I read the "Tourist's guide to New York" front and back over and over again and tried desperately to ignore the handwritten letter hiding on the inside flap from someone I once loved. From the moment I hopped off of the escalator in the JFK airport, the days flew by....each one bringing their own whirlwind of emotions. I always have flashbacks of how terrified I was taking my first subway train by myself, how taken aback I was by the city skylines while speeding down the BQE in a blaze of red. All of the friends that came into my life so quickly and and out of it just as fast. I remember my first steps in that elusive white tent at Bryant Park. There was that night where we drove to Philly just for the hell of it. And that time I accidentally got on the wrong train (three times) and ran into a friend who I knew from my 17 year-old days in California. I moved four times in one year. I worked so hard to accumulate my own personal belongings and then worked so hard to control my emotions when it came time to throw all of them, bug-ridden, in a trash pile on the side of the road. I remember the smell of the steam that came out of the streets, the first time it snowed and how exciting it was. Having to pull a chain that lifted a metal gate in order to get into my store and then having grease all over my hands afterward. I remember feeling so lonely. So lonely. But that lonliness only made me appreciate those who embraced me right away so much more. I loved Astoria more than any other part of the city. I miss our apartment and how homey it felt. I didn't mind the 11-block hike from the train up 30th avenue because I enjoyed walking past the fruit stands, meat shops and bodegas. I miss sitting on the fire escape and drinking beer on the roof in the middle of the night with Mike...staring at the skyline and thinking to myself that there were more people on that island than there were stars that I could see in the sky.

Although there is so much that I miss, I remember how anxious I was to get out of Manhattan. I remember walking through central park on my lunch breaks, crying and trying my hardest to get through the work day....daydreaming about a house with a backyard. Maybe even having a dog again someday. To be honest, it's hard looking back because I think the only thing that really made it difficult living there was my job. I always wonder....if I hadn't been working 60+ hours a week for a major corporation, and instead had done something for MYSELF that simultaneously was financially lucrative, would I have stayed? How could a retail environment be SO stressful when there are people who survive in that city who find themselves in much more intense work situations? I'll never know.

Mike, Rupert and I spent five days in a Budget truck driving across the country. When we arrived to our new house, I remember sitting at our breakfast table next to eachother and bursting into tears because I was so happy to feel normalcy again. It was a weird moment between us. Me feeling happy, Mike feeling anxious about this place that is so different from anything he has ever known. Plus it was 105 degrees outside. Six months later, our lives are entirely different from the ones we knew at the beginning of 2009.

I'm going to be 25 in 11 days. We live in Texas again..... and we're having a baby next year. So so so different from my life a year ago. It's amazing to wonder what experiences the next year will bring.

It's supposed to SNOW tomorrow?!

2009-12-03T11:07:00.005-06:00

The last five months of living in Texas have definitely been an adventure, that's for sure. I have been struggling being back, only because it is difficult trying to make this the perfect place to be while we are simultaneously nostalgic for past cities, experiences and good friends. Mike has been working so hard to build a place for himself here. Meanwhile, Jessica and I have been brainstorming our future fashion-venture. Our wheels are turning even though we are feeling a bit stagnant. However, an amazing perk to Austin, which I have always thought, is that it would be such a wonderful place to raise a family. So....well....here it goes....

6 weeks

9 weeks

11 weeks.... getting thicker!

11 1/2 weeks, about the size of a large plum!

Of course I knew I was pregnant this whole time, but it has been so hard to really have faith that my body was building a little baby for the last few weeks. Yesterday at our pre-natal visit, we finally had physical proof of the baby's existence. I kept telling our midwife that I was nervous there wasn't going to be anything in there and that I'd be so embarassed if it turned out I just had a three-month long stomach flu! That anxiousness disappeared right away when she started pressing on my stomach with the little ultrasound tool. The heartbeat was hard to hear at first, especially when I kept laughing and throwing off the ultrasound....but gosh, what a feeling to hear that little whispy sound coming from my stomach!!! And then she caught an image of the little guy (or girl) and Mike and I were just sitting there....staring at it and looking back and forth at eachother. I don't know about him, but I kept thinking....is that really a BABY?! I see an EAR!! It is still completely shocking to know that I am growing a little person in there. The next six months are going to be an adventure, that's for sure. But the good news is that I think Austin is a great place to be while Mike and I power forward into this new life we've created!

More updates to come soon...... now that I finally have something exciting to document. :)

Trying to get back into the Texas groove....

2009-10-08T16:26:00.004-05:00

Although it has been a bit of an adjustment for Mike and I, the kitties seem to be enjoying themselves. Now if we could only have some fall weather up in here.... we could leave the door open all of the time.

On our way!

2009-08-03T07:09:00.006-05:00

Started in Baltimore, stopped in DC, drove back through Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia...now we're in TN!

We are in Tennessee now...getting ready to leave our motel and head to the Smokey Mountain National Park to take the scenic route to Chattanooga. We'll get to Texas either SUPER late tonight or tomorrow!

More to come! :)

Last day in NYC

2009-07-31T06:40:00.005-05:00

I'll wake Mike up in twenty minutes to walk down with me to pick up our moving truck. I can't believe we are actually leaving. It feels so weird. I'm looking around at our apartment...there is still so much to be done. Well, packing last minute kitchen stuff and just cleaning everything. Won't be too bad.

My last day yesterday at work was so sad. I spent the morning cleaning out my desk and trying to organize the upstairs office as best as I could. I goofed off with Miche and Claudia for the majority of the days. Those girls make me laugh so much. Lori and Meredith came to say goodbye to the old manager and hello to the new one, that evening. We also found a living/dying rat in the bathroom (eeeeek!!!) The four of us finished off my day at work by me reciting the names of my favorite NYC clientele in my notorious New York/Tara's Grandma voice. I was so sad to leave the girls though. I didn't cry until the end when I actually realized that I wasn't going to be able to spend my days with my best girlfriends here in the city. In the end, it didn't come down to the fashion....it was never about the fashion. It was about the relationships that I built with the people around me. I'll remember all of these experiences forever. All of the incredible people I met here in NYC will forever leave a lasting impression on me. I've had a really challening year managing these stores, but I wouldn't have been able to get through it on a day to day basis with out the beautiful girls at the boutiques and the incredible customers who I was able to share my days with.

Thank you so much guys.

(The beautiful roses that Lori brought me! ...and Rupert sniffing them. Dude, cat, do you have any idea you're about to travel across the country?)

Goodbye, New York City! Helllloooooooooooooo Baltimore and Texas!

Natural history museum!

2009-07-28T07:53:00.005-05:00

We took a break from packing and went to the museum yesterday. It was weird seeing so many cool animals...that were dead. I kept getting really excited each time we would approach a new animal area, but my happiness would immediately turn to creeped out when I would realize that we were touring a museum of death and extinction. Wahh wahhhhhhh.

None the less....a great place for a photo op!

The first step is admitting you have a problem..

2009-07-28T07:49:00.004-05:00

Here is the majority of the baggage we are going to be moving back to Texas. The sad part is that A. everything is mine from the second bedroom B. it is all filled with Betsey Johnson stuff (dresses, shoes, purses, etc.) C. the house is almost empty and Mike hasn't packed any of his things yet. I counted 39 dresses....and that's with me struggling to get rid of as many as I could.

What's wrong with me :(

My new pride and joy...

2009-07-24T20:55:00.002-05:00

This baby has sadly gone out of production :( BUT....we were able to find one of the last ones down the street from us in Queens. Mike and I picked her up yesterday.

Oooooooooooooooooooh!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! Drooooooooool.

Eight days left in NYC

2009-07-23T07:39:00.003-05:00

...and I get cold feet about moving every 30-45 minutes during the day. Yesterday I sat in my typical lunch-eating spot in Central Park on my break. It was a beautiful day, people were smiling (good god!), tourists were excited to be in the city, I watched a rabid squirrel steal an elderly woman's roast beef sandwich...and there I was contemplating whether we were making the right choice about leaving. It's a scary thought, retreating back to a city that you left because you were feeling a bit unfulfilled at the time. But maybe "retreating" is the wrong word. I think "hauling ass" might be more acurately descriptive. I feel like I have worked really hard to keep up a high enough moral to live in this city on a daily basis. I've battled a lot of stress, whether it was stress that came from the store, how expensive everything is, the WINTER. I never experienced those kinds of emotions back in Texas. I was more concerned with dachsunds, sewing, school, that there was an IKEA twenty minutes away.... I never once felt panicked or unsure of myself. I spent a little while yesterday re-reading a lot of my older blog posts from when I first arrived here. There were many subtle signs of frustration and discouragement about living in this city. But gosh, the hardest part about being here is that literally you love it one week and you absolutely despise it the next. The drastic fluxuation of emotion that I have felt makes me feel bipolar sometimes. And it isn't just me...it happens to everyone I know who lives in one of these five boroughs. One minute you're happyvand feeling so lucky to live in such a bustling environment, the next you feel like you're batteling an angry depression monster that is trying to take your soul!!

Ahhhhhhg. I am really excited about going to Austin though. I think Mike and I will enjoy it (despite the 100 degree weather right now!!) and, if anything, it's a place for us to go to chill out for a bit, be around family and friends and enjoy life until we figure out what our next destination will be. I can't wait to figure out what will become of my career. I can't believe that I am going to be 25 in five months. This year has flown by. :(

On a side note, I'm leaving work early today and rushing back to Queens to meet Keith, the sewing machine enthusiast who works at the Singer store down the street. He is going to give me a lesson on my new industrial singer sewing machine that Mike and I are buying this afternoon (thanks mom!!!) :) :) We saw it while my mom was in town last week visiting. As we innocently sat at "Guacamole" eating the best burritos that the north east has ever seen, Mike spotted the Singer store next door and rushed inside to tell me that the sewing machine of my dreams was in the front window. I can't wait to start sewing again....and once I get back to Austin I'm going to take some more pattern making classes. I haven't touched my machine in over a year :( Superrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew, it's already 9! I better get ready for ze'old work. With that, I will leave you with the latest picture that Mike took yesterday of our gorgeous feline. Rupert, you're such a stud muffin.

Wowwww....

2009-07-18T07:24:00.007-05:00

Almost two months without a single post! I'm so sorry, little blog!

I can say without any hesitation that these last few months have been some of the most crazy and eventful ones I've experienced in a long long time. You would think that such times would allow for some incredibly entertaining blog posts, but unfortunately I just couldn't bring myself to sit down at the end of the day and recap prior events because I was just too freakin' EXHAUSTED!

The craziness all began back in May, when my devastatingly handsome boyfriend (hehe!) moved up here from Baltimore. The state of the economy was a hard blow to his moral as he went to interview after interview (along with twenty other candidates each time) for a few months. It was pretty shocking for both of us that he couldn't find a job, as qualified as he is. Meanwhile, I have been spending 40-55 hours a week slaving a way at my behemoth of a store trying to get the staff efficient, the stock organized, inventory under control, operational tasks completed, coaching, etc etc etc. On our way home from our busy days, we'd get crammed onto the trains, pushed and bumped on the streets, scowled at while trying to make small talk with strangers...and I'm pretty sure that my excessive use of hand sanitizer has equipped my immune system with the ability to fight against ANY germ for the rest of my eternal existence!! (is that good or bad?!) Both of us have been entirely too stressed out by so many factors for a little too long for comfort. I looked at Mike one day while we were eating poorly made Subway sandwiches in Strawberry Fields on my lunch break. We were both sitting in silence, dressed up in our nice clothes watching squirrels run around on a small patch of uncommon grass while tourists rode around on bikes and took pictures. Suddenly it came to me, "Why are we here?...I mean, if we're so unhappy...why don't we just move somewhere else?" A little light bulb flashed above his head and we both looked at eachother considering our options. Later that day, I started contemplating where to go. We concluded that a move back to Austin made sense. It is a place where we already have friends and family and an easy town to get back on our feet and save some money. Soooooooooooo.....we're moving back to Texas at the end of the month!

Of course, I have been really nervous about leaving my job. It has been something I've worked so hard for for three years. I have struggled with my decision internally for quite some time. Tara #1, how could you possibly give up a life time opportunity to manage a designer store in Manhattan to go back to Texas and potentially wait tables? Oh Tara #2, you're so silly...don't you realize how much happier you'd be if you weren't crying and stressed out all of the time about sales figures and corporate visits?" I think that I had the same kind of feelings while I was in college. I remember thinking, "No job will ever make me feel as stressed out as I do right now!" Well, Betsey made me get pretty close, but I remember as soon as I graduated, I didn't care WHAT I was doing for a job, as long as I didn't feel that way anymore. Funny enough, I have the same feeling right now. Waiting tables would make my day if it meant that I didn't have to worry about a million of the thngs that I do on a daily basis here. It's funny how the situations can change but the lessons you learn are still the same...

I've also had cold feet about leaving NYC. It's an amazing, bustling city, that's for sure. But for me, I feel like the amount of time I put into working in order to make enough money to live here just isn't worth it in the long run. I feel like I sacrifice SO much of my "Tara" time to feel comfortable living here. For some, it's an easy exchange. They can work a million hours a day and still have it in them to go out at night and live happily. For me, though, I just need more substance to my life. I want a cute little house so badly, a nice yard to BBQ in and have fun with friends and family, I want to be able to hop in a car and listen to my OWN music and arrive to places on my OWN time, I want a dog that doesn't have to be small enough to cram into a change purse so I can take it on the subway..... there are a ton of things that make me happy in life that just aren't accessible here and I'll do anything I can to have those things back and share my time with the people I love so much.

So....that's where we're at!! Less that two weeks until we hop into our uhaul and head back to the good'ol (swelteringly hot! eeek!) midwest.

I hope that I didn't lose many of my readers once took a slight hiatus from writing on this thing. A bunch of my friends who i had no idea read this thing have been like "What is the DEAL!!!" BUT GUYS....seriously! I'm back and I know that I'll have more desire to write again once my life feels a little more substantial.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Tara

Delivery Service

2009-05-22T09:20:00.003-05:00

The other day we were standing in the kitchen after I got home at 9:30 at night after a longggg day of work. Mike said something about how he now understands what they mean by a "New York Minute". The time flies by here. You wake up at 7:00am to get ready for work. You leave your house by nine to get there by 10:30. I usually get home by 8:00 at night. By that point you're starving so you grab a bite to eat and by the time you look at the clock, it's 11:00 and you've got to go to bed to get ready for the same routine the next day. It's insane!!! Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my life away....I don't do anything but work! I have to remember though that I have a "life" at work too. I get to talk to customers and interact with my staff...but sometimes I just feel like I need more than that. MUCH more. I have spent the last two weeks working long, hard hours. In order to make customers happy, I've offered to deliver packages to their houses. I found myself in a cab twice and also delivering dresses by foot to wealthy women across town. I don't mind it so much, as it gets me out of the store for a bit and I can take a breath of fresh air....especially now that the weather is so beautiful. I wonder what it would be like to have things delivered to your apartment that overlooks central park all of the time? I wonder what it'd be like if I was an entrepeneur....if I was able to make my own schedule and be my own boss while doing something I was passionate about? Man, I need to start brainstorming.

When I feel exhausted and overwhelmed, sometimes seeing the beauty of the city from afar gives me a reality check and makes me feel grateful for experiencing all of this. Last night, we climbed up onto the roof and Mike shot these beautiful pictures of the skyline right as the sun had gone down.

I kept wondering if all of the people in all of those lit up windows of the Manhattan skyline feel the same way I feel each day...and if they're embracing those short lived moments of solitude with their families before they have to go to bed.

Quiet morning

2009-05-05T07:40:00.003-05:00

...over here in Queens. It feels more like 5am than 9...the apartment is so cold and gray. Why is it that I can never find socks when I need them? It has been raining all night, I keep hearing this noise that sounds like one giant raindrop falling onto a tarp from outside. The cat and I slept in my new room last night. I felt like I was at summer camp or something... anxious about closing my eyes and resting in a new spot. I know I slept, although it doesn't feel like it. Drank some coffee a little while ago, read the news online, now I'm watching Rupert sprawl out on the cold tile. How do their backs bend like that? It has truly hit me that our normal Kate and Tara routine is infinitely finished. I'm upset that she has moved out. I know it is for the best though. It is time for the both of us to experience a new New York. My new NYC is about to start on Friday.

One of my favorite pictures that Mike took last week.

Purple Dolce and Gabana platforms...

2009-04-29T22:15:00.009-05:00

...were Betsey's shoes of choice this morning as she burst into our 9am meeting in a whirlwind of color and craziness the way she usually does (and how she does it best!) We spent the better part of the day sitting in on the regional meetings at the showroom. After a short afternoon break, our meeting resumed more casually at a long table in a dimly lit wine room at Freeman's Alley near the Bowery. Chit chatting about sales and retail philosophy over wine and incredible food....I'm absolutely exhausted. By 9pm we were all ready for bed.

I have a crazy day ahead of me tomorrow. Pray for good luck.

Old and new, but still old.

2009-04-28T22:02:00.007-05:00

I found a few old photographs of my grandma, Pearl, from when she was around my age. I think these both were taken of her in the 1930's. She grew up in the Bronx and was the only girl (and the youngest) of five kids in her family. Her father was a tailor and handmade all of her clothing. I'm talking about fur coats, suits, petty coats, the whole enchilada. (Must've been who I inherited my fashion itch from!) I used to try to steal all of her old hand tailored trench coats from her bedroom closet when I was younger. Her style was so elegant....

I scanned these pictures in a few weeks ago and keep them on the desktop of my computer. Usually once a day or so I for some reason open them up and stare at them. I just can't get over how time can change you physically. I feel like she is looking right at me in these photographs and that this is a completely different person from the grandma I know today.

My mom has spent the last few days with my grandma in Arizona and has been pretty affected by her sharp decline. Although Pearl has kvetched (yep, there's some Yiddish for ya, folks!) constantly about every single thing for the majority of my mom's life and has driven so many of us crazy for many years, we still hold a deep admiration for the long life she has led and much love for the innocent girl in the pictures above taken 70 years ago and the one below taken 7 hours ago.

Never thought hot weather could feel so good.

2009-04-28T20:21:00.004-05:00

Sunday was a well needed day of rest and reflection. Mike and I packed up a knapsack in the morning and we took the train to Central Park after my doctor's appointment. We picked up some sandwiches along the way and set up shop next to a baseball field where there was a group of crazy old men playing a way-too-competitive softball game. We laid in the sun for a few hours and lost track of time. There was no agenda, no place to be, nothing to worry about. I appreciated every single moment. You could tell that all of the smiling couples and families were all feeling the same way that we were - GOOD RIDDANCE TO YOU, WINTER!!

Long long time...

2009-04-26T09:10:00.002-05:00

I want to apologize for the lack of posting within the last few weeks. I have been having a really hard time recently. My motivation to write in this blog, or talk, or do anything really except for come home each day and feel emotional had completely disappeared. I think the accumulation of homesickness, sickness, exhaustion and the cold weather really has begun to take a toll on me. Everything seems a little up in the air right now, there is a lot of transition that is about to begin....but like I've been advised by my friends and family....I just need to embrace everything for what it is. I can't continue to lead a life like the one I've been living for the last few weeks. It's definitely not healthy. Definitely not healthy at all. It's amazing what your body can do to itself when you don't take care of yourself.

On a much lighter note....yesterday was the first day of warm weather and the city had an electricity about it that I haven't experienced in as long as I have lived here. Mike and I met up after I got out of work last night and sat in Union Square for a few hours. It was eerily quiet considering the hundreds of people who were just sitting out on the steps, on the benches, in the grass, embracing the long overdue cool breeze swirling around amongst the 80 degree temperature. I watched people of every age chat, relax, stare up at the stars....the blue light from the empire state building casting a cool night time glow over all of us. We sat on a bench for a long time and enjoyed the mood. It was exactly what I needed.

Today we're heading to central park to lay in the sun to catch some rays and melt away all of the depression I've been feeling.

Bummin' around day 2

2009-03-23T12:28:00.005-05:00

After being sick for a week and a half with what felt like the Pneumonia I had last year around this time and then having a really busy week back at work, it has felt so good to sloth around my apartment for two days. Ohhhhhh does it feel good! Yesterday I started to feel a little glutenous, but then I thought....GLUTENY? WHO CARES? I DON'T CARE! THE CAT DOESN'T CARE! NEW YORK DOESN'T CARE! Sloth away, Tara! Bum around like you've never bummed around before! That's what days off are for, right? Eh?

So on that note, yesterday I slept in till 11:00, forced myself to go to the grocery store around 2:00, came home, took a nap, ate a little bit, played with Rupert, fell asleep watching The Office season 4, played with Rupert some more and then woke up from nap #3 feeling extremely guilty for doing nothing all day. Kate has been in Austin for four days, so I've been extremely lonely and homesick, not to mention that I miss my boyfriend like crazy! (Who am I?!) So in lew of my newfound solitude-induced depression, I decided to go to the movies to take my mind off of how I've become one of those lonely women obsessed with reality tv, boys and cats. I went to see The Reader in Union Square. It was a great movie but a bit of a downer. Maybe not the best movie to see when you're missing your friends and family and feel like enhaling an entire vat of buttery popcorny goodness. I made a quick stop to Whole Foods afterwards because, well, I was bored and who doesn't like staring at perfectly placed pyramids of fresh vegetables? I picked up a variety of random goods: Peanut butter, seedless red grapes, nectarines and veggie burgers. Oh, and also a very over-priced bottle of fizzy water. "Mojo cool" to be exact. I then hopped onto the train and got home around 10:30. I started another movie on my netflix but fell asleep 20 minutes into it. Sorry Parker Posey, I tried my best to stay awake!

Today seems to be trending very similarly to yesterday. I must have fallen asleep on the couch because I woke up around 7:30AM to Rupert meowing and pawing at my face. I gave him some food and then laid back down in my bed. Re-awoke around 10:30 am. Have played on the computer for a couple of hours doing the neccessary scan through all of my favorite blogs. I then received a buzz at my door and discovered a very robotic looking package sitting infront of our mailbox!

I received a bar mitzfah-themed greeting card that read, "Dear Tara, congrats on the Mitzvah, it has been a long journey but you are finally a man. Enclosed are two mugs (you may want to use the enclosed hand sanitizer on the mugs. They are from savers), the MP3 cd you requested and a brand new copy of Spooky Sounds." I laughed for a long time. I needed something to cheer me up and almost make me shoot coffee out of my nose all over myself. Thanks Robot, I love you. You're a great brother.

Suddenly, I am feeling an inspirational itch to be productive! (I would hope so, it's 3:00 in the afternoon!) I need to do laundry, clean the house before Kate gets home (Eeeeeek!!) and take a shower. I will also try to be more productive with writing in my blog. This last week has been so long and tiring, I couldn't find much motivation to do anything, let alone the inspiration to write about anything interesting!

I will leave you with a few pictures of Mike's cat. He has been a great source of entertainment. It's funny how easily distracted cats can be. They think they're wiser than dogs, but I've never seen a living creature become so infatuated with a runaway grape on the floor or the shadow of their own tail.

Baltimorian...water is pronounced woooarter.

2009-03-16T11:26:00.007-05:00

Spending five days in a new city was so refreshing. Minus getting sick, I felt revitalized when I returned to New York. I love spending time with Mike. And even while he was at work, I kept entertained by playing with Rupert in his apartment and walking around the neighborhood taking pictures. The city is so old and there is so much history there. You can feel it while you walk down the old cobblestone streets. I met a lot of new people during my stay and was engulfed in new cultures that I may have never been exposed to otherwise. Some of the neighborhoods are so old and beautiful, while others just two or three streets away are poverty stricken. Entire blocks of homes are completely abandoned and the streets are drug infested. There is so much to be seen and experienced in Baltimore. I can't believe a city that has so much potential has been so neglected and uncelebrated. Such a shame.

At first I was a little nervous about Mike and I being far from one another, but I have really enjoyed the distance and the anticipation of visiting eachother in separate cities. It has worked out perfectly. Funny how things like this seem to fall into place when you are least expecting it.

Feelin better.

2009-03-16T11:04:00.003-05:00

I got home from Baltimore late on Wednesday night, worked Thursday, left early on Friday and left early on Saturday due to this crazy flu that I randomly caught. After a couple of days of feeling feverish and sounding manly with this burly cough I've acquired, today I am finally feeling a bit better. Fever feels gone, only one nostril is plugged...things are looking up! On top of feeling poorly because I was sick, I also felt bad because Mike and his buddy Ray drove all the way up from Baltimore on Saturday to see Kate and I. They drove a u-haul packed with a bunch of Mike's things to give to us since he is moving out of his apartment. I was probably not a lot of fun to be around, but it was nice having them here to spend a day with. I wish I could have shown them a better time in Manhattan, but the cold weather was taking a toll on me. I can't believe how sweet of Mike it was to give us his all of his furniture, his tv, etc etc. Also....we're watching Rupert for a while. Mike is thinking about trying to move here sometime in the summer, so Rupert will be living with two girls until then. Having a little kitty around feels so nice. He is such good company.

Our house looks beautiful. It finally feels like a home now! I'm so thankful.

I'm okay!

2009-03-14T16:21:00.001-05:00

Hey everyone...

Oddly enough, I've gotten a bunch of calls/emails about my lack of blog posting. I'm okay. I've just been out of town and now I have the flu. Posting will continue as soon as I'm feeling better.

xo,
Tara